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It was the Dark Ages.
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And in the land of Britain,
there lived a mighty queen,
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adored by all her subjects.
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Most of them.
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Some of them.
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{\an8}Oh, just meet her.
You'll understand.
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- My Queen, enemy force...
- Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!
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How am I coming out?
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My portrait. And give me
the truth, unvarnished.
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Don't think to
flatter me, Leofwine.
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Maybe the Queen should
judge for herself.
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Well done!
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I'll not have your
fingers hacked off today.
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Thank you, my Queen (laughs).
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- Now, how goes the war?
- Ah.
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Oh yes, the war.
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Angered by Dagan's harsh reign,
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the peasants had
risen against her.
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From amongst the common folk,
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a rebel champion rose,
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a woodcutter named Humble Joan,
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and Joan had something
the queen did not:
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a secret of great might
called flame-powder.
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{\an8}But Dagan had a plan
to crush the rebellion.
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The forest archers,
the river clans,
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the spearmen of the fens.
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We... we muster them here.
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Are you listening?
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We muster them here and they
shall smash our enemies.
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I- I don't know why you
didn't think of this before.
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My Queen, we can move the
pieces on the map all we like.
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It will not conjure them here.
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The spearmen of the
fens are fallen.
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Well, let them get up
again, the lazy tykes.
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Humph!
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I thought you were going
to say they were dead.
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Oh.
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The river clans
are cleft in bits.
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The forest archers turned
and... fight for Humble Joan.
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I know the illness which
gnaws at your innards.
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Ow, my fucking leg!
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It's not Humble Joan, no.
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- Where's it gone?!
- It's fear.
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So, let us lift our spirits
with a - with a banquet!
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She tramples on the lions,
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She tramples on her foes,
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raises burdensome taxes
on their howling widows.
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Dainty, soft, soft.
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Shut up!
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Come.
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What's this yellow stuff?
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No, let me guess.
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Tumery. Turmer -
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- Meric.
- Turmer...
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Turmeric.
- You please me.
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Bring me these eggs in
all the banquets to come.
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Yes, my Queen.
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All eggs. Right.
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Humble Joan can't stop us
from enjoying this, can she?
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I am more than your
queen, am I not?
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I'm-I'm your friend.
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A toast, to friendship.
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Fall back!
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The wall is breached.
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Oh, dear.
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Fighting in the passages.
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Screams of the dying.
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Yes, dying peasants,
though, don't we think?
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Footsteps coming closer.
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They're at the door.
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Humble Joan.
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Merely Joan.
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I seek no fame, no titles.
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Only justice.
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Urgh.
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As do I.
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Leofwine!
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During any change of government,
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some element of
continuity is advisable.
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No!
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I am still the queen!
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Thanes, I command
you to seize them!
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Is she serious?
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Thanes, you are citizens
of the new commonwealth.
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Be free.
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Thank you, Humble Joan,
you heal our land.
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You heal yourselves.
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What?
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Wolf Tail...
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My father's blade.
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Humble Joan, I challenge
you to single combat.
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The victor wins the realm.
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Duelling?
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Oh. A sad habit
of the wealthy.
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We have no need for it now.
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There are a dozen
tongues in this hall.
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More than one shall
speak of the time
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Humble Joan was afraid.
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If I can fell the tallest oak,
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I can cut down a little queen.
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Argh!
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Oh!
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Such pretty nails
and such a soft foot.
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You've lived as a queen.
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Time to die as one.
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Many people cry for their
mothers at a time like this.
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Mum! No!
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Not I! Argh!
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Oh, a fighting queen at last!
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Did I touch a nerve?
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See how the coward runs.
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Now, bring her back.
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Well, look at you.
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She went this way!
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Oh, excuse me, corpse chap.
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Dagan!
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Oooh, D-D-D-D-D Dagan!
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Boo!
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My new master will be pleased.
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This way, my Queen.
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Oh. Oh, titting balls.
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I've never gone this way before.
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They're staff stairs, come on!
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I remember you now.
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You're one of the servants
and you're called Turmeric.
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- That's the spice.
- Yes, I knew that.
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Dishand me! A commoner
may not touch a queen!
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Urgh!
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- Why are we going up?
- I know of a privy chute.
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- A what?
- A privy chute.
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It's narrow, but
steep and moist.
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We'll slide fast.
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Moist is a word for it,
I can think of others.
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At least consider it, my Queen.
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Do you think to trick
me and push me down?
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That wasn't so bad, was it?
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The Queen requires a shoe!
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You look perfect. Now, run!
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Find Dagan!
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Find the queen!
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Where are we going? And
what's your name again?
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Shulmay.
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Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
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Shulmay, Shulmay,
Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay.
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- We'll swim downstream.
- We turn back.
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Huh?
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Quick, they're
coming. In here.
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Hang on, what's this?
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The Queen's colour.
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She took to water.
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She reckons we'll
lose the scent.
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Follow the river, boys!
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The Queen had outwitted
the rebels and escaped.
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Maybe Shulmay helped a bit too.
155
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But with her citadel taken,
what would Dagan do now?
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When I was a girl, I would
watch my father punish traitors.
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He would cleave off their arms.
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And shove them up their arses.
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- That's nice.
- Hmm.
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And then he would
cleave off their arses
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and shove those up
whatever remained.
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People didn't always
get their own arses.
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Arses were swapped about.
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Now, Leofwine,
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she will have all
of this and more
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when I take back the
citadel tomorrow.
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And do you have soldiers
for that, Your Majesty?
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You're making the
queen feel bad.
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Your throne is lost.
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But it can be yours again.
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You may continue.
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For weeks, I feared Leofwine
was playing both sides,
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that there were letters
she didn't show you.
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Earlier in the fog of war,
she left one on the table.
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{\an8}'To Chancellor Leofwine,
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from King Ivarr of Jutland and
King Guthrum of the Frisians.'
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These are my cousins!
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My cousins across the sea!
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'By Fingerstone Rock -'
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Well, I had a moment, no more.
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I could only take
the first page.
182
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Then we'll never know the rest!
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I'm finished!
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Strangle me.
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00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,605
But gently.
186
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It said Ivarr and Guthrum
187
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will give you sanctuary
in their lands.
188
00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:38,020
Then they'll muster
armies and longships
189
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all for you to take
back what's yours.
190
00:11:39,938 --> 00:11:41,855
Then I'm saved!
191
00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:44,938
But what does 'by
Fingerstone Rock' mean?
192
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Fingerstone is a
crag on the coast.
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It marks the shortest
passage to their lands.
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Well, that's where we're going!
195
00:11:51,396 --> 00:11:53,187
How far is Fingerstone
Rock from here?
196
00:11:53,188 --> 00:11:54,938
A hundred and forty miles.
197
00:11:55,313 --> 00:11:57,188
One hundred and forty miles?
198
00:11:58,230 --> 00:12:00,062
One hundred and -
199
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{\an8}And so began their great
journey, to Fingerstone Rock,
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00:12:04,521 --> 00:12:06,938
{\an8}to the kings, to salvation.
201
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:12,480
Shulmay, your servant's
shoe is not very watertight.
202
00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:14,645
Add that to your
things to fix list.
203
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,771
My Queen, you are conspicuous
204
00:12:17,021 --> 00:12:19,646
with your red gown
and your gold crown.
205
00:12:19,771 --> 00:12:21,021
Just - - Hey!
206
00:12:21,146 --> 00:12:23,062
My father's crown
shall not be removed.
207
00:12:23,063 --> 00:12:24,687
- If it's seen - -
Well, then cover it.
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00:12:24,688 --> 00:12:26,313
Find me a nice hat.
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00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:29,438
Yep.
210
00:12:31,771 --> 00:12:34,521
You're probably wondering
why I'm helping you (laughs).
211
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:40,313
Why this servant who...
could've slipped away hasn't.
212
00:12:40,855 --> 00:12:43,105
Not especially,
no. It's your job.
213
00:12:43,521 --> 00:12:47,646
And, hey, stop walking
before your Queen!
214
00:12:48,396 --> 00:12:50,480
What is the world coming to?
215
00:12:56,063 --> 00:12:57,563
Keep up, though!
216
00:12:58,188 --> 00:13:00,355
We have no time for slackers.
217
00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:03,771
Yeah.
218
00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:10,313
On they walked, with happy
smiles and swelling hearts.
219
00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:11,813
Until...
220
00:13:21,396 --> 00:13:24,021
This is my morning song I sing,
221
00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:26,229
in summer, winter,
and in spring.
222
00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:29,021
It's made from air
that I breathe in,
223
00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:32,395
and push it out my mouth again.
224
00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:34,855
Some say the tune
and words are wrong,
225
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:37,105
but it is not
their fucking song.
226
00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:38,063
When he leaves for work,
227
00:13:38,064 --> 00:13:40,354
we'll search his hut
for clothes and food.
228
00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:41,854
Why wait?
229
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,020
This man is a loyal subject.
230
00:13:44,021 --> 00:13:46,062
Look, any army would have him,
231
00:13:46,063 --> 00:13:47,854
and yet he has not
joined the rebels.
232
00:13:47,855 --> 00:13:49,312
No purple flower.
233
00:13:49,313 --> 00:13:52,229
- We cannot know who his loyal...
- Greetings, peasant!
234
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:55,062
- Great.
- I am your Queen, Queen Dagan,
235
00:13:55,063 --> 00:13:57,938
and we noticed you do
not wear the mauve bloom.
236
00:13:58,188 --> 00:14:00,062
- Oh, it must've fallen off.
- Oh!
237
00:14:00,063 --> 00:14:01,354
- An enemy!
- No, no, no.
238
00:14:01,355 --> 00:14:02,771
I just like purple flowers.
239
00:14:03,730 --> 00:14:06,980
Noticed, er, lots of people
marching about wearing 'em.
240
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,480
Is it fashion?
241
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:12,813
No, it is not fashion,
it is revolution.
242
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:16,063
Oh... well, been
nice to meet you.
243
00:14:16,271 --> 00:14:19,271
Your Queen needs
clothes and food.
244
00:14:20,146 --> 00:14:21,312
Please help us.
245
00:14:21,313 --> 00:14:23,063
Alright, well, I'll
see what I've got.
246
00:14:23,271 --> 00:14:24,521
My name is Bobik.
247
00:14:25,063 --> 00:14:26,605
- Okay.
- Right.
248
00:14:30,188 --> 00:14:31,188
Come in.
249
00:14:33,563 --> 00:14:34,937
Here's where she took to water.
250
00:14:34,938 --> 00:14:36,646
No sign of her yet.
251
00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:40,021
There. Footprints.
252
00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:44,312
Dagan lay here, and not alone.
253
00:14:44,313 --> 00:14:45,938
Someone's helping her.
254
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,229
Someone clever.
- But we thought -
255
00:14:48,230 --> 00:14:50,438
Ha, what they made you think.
256
00:14:52,896 --> 00:14:54,855
Keep searching the river.
- Yes, Joan.
257
00:14:55,355 --> 00:14:56,605
I'll go east.
258
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,563
I know Dagan's weaknesses.
259
00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:00,604
She'll not hide long from me.
260
00:15:00,605 --> 00:15:02,395
Thank you, Citizen Leofwine.
261
00:15:02,396 --> 00:15:04,104
Take the soldiers and get to it.
262
00:15:04,105 --> 00:15:07,230
Excuse me. Affairs of
the state (chuckles).
263
00:15:09,688 --> 00:15:12,395
Off you go. Bring
me Dagan's head.
264
00:15:12,396 --> 00:15:13,980
There's a poppet.
265
00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:20,395
So, we'll walk to
Fingerstone Rock,
266
00:15:20,396 --> 00:15:22,854
and then we'll sail
a boat across the sea
267
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:25,271
to find new soldiers
for the queen.
268
00:15:25,438 --> 00:15:27,063
Splish, splash, splosh.
269
00:15:27,188 --> 00:15:28,605
I've heard of the sea.
270
00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:32,021
It's like a puddle,
but much, much wider.
271
00:15:32,271 --> 00:15:35,312
And it's salty, like when
you lick your own armpit.
272
00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:37,854
How far is this walk of yours?
273
00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:39,855
A hundred and thirty
miles from here.
274
00:15:42,438 --> 00:15:43,812
You're gonna need a horse.
275
00:15:43,813 --> 00:15:47,313
They all died. In the
great horse plague.
276
00:15:47,605 --> 00:15:49,437
- A dragon, then.
- Yeah, they're not real.
277
00:15:49,438 --> 00:15:51,479
Fuck off.
278
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,479
- Do you have any money?
- Uh-uh.
279
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:54,605
Food?
280
00:15:55,313 --> 00:15:57,355
Well, just these
crusts you're eating.
281
00:15:57,980 --> 00:15:59,313
And a lump.
282
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:02,271
A lump of what?
283
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,105
Lamb?
284
00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:06,146
Or cheese?
285
00:16:06,771 --> 00:16:09,146
The man I get it
off never tells me.
286
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:10,770
What's your trade, Bobik?
287
00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:12,521
I'm a shit spader.
288
00:16:12,688 --> 00:16:13,938
I spade the shit.
289
00:16:14,105 --> 00:16:15,395
Not a job that needs
a long explanation.
290
00:16:15,396 --> 00:16:17,979
No, there... there's more to
it than most think, you know.
291
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:21,187
There are... countless
different kinds of shit.
292
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,395
And no two spades the same.
293
00:16:23,396 --> 00:16:25,396
You have your basic cow shit.
294
00:16:25,563 --> 00:16:27,437
Um, you've got your runny shit,
295
00:16:27,438 --> 00:16:30,895
you've got your compacted
shit, crumbly shit,
296
00:16:30,896 --> 00:16:34,605
glistening shit, young
shit, old shit, frozen shit,
297
00:16:34,938 --> 00:16:37,812
grassy shit, muddy
shit, waxy shit.
298
00:16:37,813 --> 00:16:40,395
You even have shit
with bones in it.
299
00:16:40,396 --> 00:16:42,395
- We understand.
- Mouldy shit, mossy shit,
300
00:16:42,396 --> 00:16:45,771
stringy shit, sandy shit,
leafy shit, mystery shit.
301
00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:47,896
Fizzy shit.
302
00:16:48,021 --> 00:16:49,896
You get tasty shit too.
303
00:16:50,021 --> 00:16:51,063
Where are you going?
304
00:16:53,355 --> 00:16:54,479
You have sacks.
305
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,938
Yeah, full of shit.
306
00:16:56,105 --> 00:16:57,396
And they clothe you.
307
00:16:57,521 --> 00:16:59,563
My Queen, we need disguises.
308
00:16:59,771 --> 00:17:03,062
We can wear sack cloth
and carry powerful spades
309
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:06,230
and pose as honest
shovelers on our trek.
310
00:17:06,396 --> 00:17:09,937
And it was at that
moment Queen Dagan awoke
311
00:17:09,938 --> 00:17:12,271
from her hideous nightmare.
312
00:17:17,063 --> 00:17:19,104
This trek, I'll come with you.
313
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,854
No. No, Bobik.
314
00:17:20,855 --> 00:17:22,645
It's bad enough having to
walk next to a servant.
315
00:17:22,646 --> 00:17:24,937
But you, I don't mean
to offend you here,
316
00:17:24,938 --> 00:17:28,438
but you are the lowest
variety of human.
317
00:17:28,896 --> 00:17:31,021
But if I come with you,
you can make me a thane.
318
00:17:31,938 --> 00:17:33,730
That's the second highest title.
319
00:17:33,896 --> 00:17:35,646
Well, what's the highest?
320
00:17:36,063 --> 00:17:39,355
- An earl.
- Good, then I'll be an earl.
321
00:17:39,730 --> 00:17:43,645
I like the shit and I...
take a great deal of pride
322
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,562
in my spading of it, but...
323
00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:49,771
I've always fancied being,
um, one of those rich fellas.
324
00:17:50,188 --> 00:17:53,730
Bobik is strong, and
has skills we don't.
325
00:17:56,396 --> 00:17:58,188
He could prove handy.
326
00:17:59,521 --> 00:18:00,813
Alright.
327
00:18:01,063 --> 00:18:03,229
Bobik, you may journey with us,
328
00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:05,813
and when I'm restored
to my throne,
329
00:18:05,938 --> 00:18:08,938
I shall give you that earldom.
330
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,896
Yes! Thank you.
331
00:18:18,021 --> 00:18:20,271
I'll never make
an earl of Bobik.
332
00:18:21,938 --> 00:18:24,229
Or you, or any lowborn.
333
00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:25,937
But I don't think we need
to tell him that now.
334
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,063
It can be our little secret.
335
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:51,688
Yeah.
336
00:18:54,438 --> 00:18:56,980
And so, the two became three.
337
00:18:57,563 --> 00:19:00,605
Queen Dagan, Shulmay, and Bobik,
338
00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:03,646
names to echo down the ages.
339
00:19:04,271 --> 00:19:06,355
As long as they
didn't get caught.
340
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:09,688
You walk like a queen, my Queen.
341
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,021
You should walk like a Bobik.
342
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:16,563
There.
343
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,562
Oh, and I'll speak peasant too.
344
00:19:18,563 --> 00:19:20,979
Once, I spoke peasant all day,
345
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:23,355
and it really did make
the thanes chuckle.
346
00:19:25,105 --> 00:19:30,230
'Shall I milk your herd
for you, kind Sir?'
347
00:19:31,146 --> 00:19:34,563
Okay, so when we meet
someone, I'll do the talking.
348
00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:37,480
- Will you now?
- Yeah.
349
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:38,813
I'll talk too.
350
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,355
I know lots of words.
351
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,854
I know twenty words.
352
00:19:41,855 --> 00:19:43,480
Shall we have a little
practice, Bobik?
353
00:19:43,855 --> 00:19:45,730
Okay, I'm a stranger.
354
00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:48,687
Fine morning, fellow travellers.
355
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,396
Where are you going?
356
00:19:50,646 --> 00:19:52,188
We are on a journey.
357
00:19:52,313 --> 00:19:53,938
Shit spaders, I see.
358
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,521
I am, yeah. She's
not, she's the queen.
359
00:19:56,855 --> 00:20:00,646
We're off to meet
some kings and - oh.
360
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,895
So, lies are required.
361
00:20:02,896 --> 00:20:04,562
But lies are bad and wrong.
362
00:20:04,563 --> 00:20:06,437
Let's just try this again.
363
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,354
Say, 'I am not Bobik.'
364
00:20:08,355 --> 00:20:09,812
But I am Bobik.
365
00:20:09,813 --> 00:20:11,188
Say it.
366
00:20:12,063 --> 00:20:17,312
I am... n... not Bobik.
367
00:20:17,313 --> 00:20:19,145
- And it's a great first go.
- Pfft.
368
00:20:19,146 --> 00:20:20,354
Okay, but don't puff
your cheeks out,
369
00:20:20,355 --> 00:20:22,562
'cause it gives the
game away. So, again.
370
00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:24,937
I am... not Bobik.
371
00:20:24,938 --> 00:20:26,771
- Don't look up.
372
00:20:27,063 --> 00:20:29,270
I am... not Bobik.
373
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,688
Getting worse now.
374
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:32,604
A traveller do come.
375
00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:34,230
Pots, pans, kettles, and cans.
376
00:20:39,188 --> 00:20:40,520
Bobik, you're a lifelong mute.
377
00:20:40,521 --> 00:20:43,104
Without words thou be.
378
00:20:43,105 --> 00:20:44,688
None of that.
379
00:20:45,938 --> 00:20:47,521
Your Majesty.
380
00:20:56,146 --> 00:20:58,771
Pots and pans, kettles and cans.
381
00:20:59,313 --> 00:21:01,313
Good day, Mr Ironmonger.
382
00:21:01,438 --> 00:21:02,770
Beautiful smithing there.
383
00:21:02,771 --> 00:21:04,812
- Thank you.
- Yes, and that one is lovely.
384
00:21:04,813 --> 00:21:06,479
Love them all.
- Obliged.
385
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,020
Yeah. We've no money
to buy them, though,
386
00:21:08,021 --> 00:21:09,480
as we are not wealthy.
387
00:21:09,605 --> 00:21:10,771
I suppose so.
388
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,354
You're three shit spaders,
that much is plain.
389
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:16,396
It is very plain
that's what we are.
390
00:21:16,563 --> 00:21:19,855
Yes, all day, just
shovelling away.
391
00:21:20,688 --> 00:21:22,312
Oh, my poor back!
392
00:21:22,313 --> 00:21:24,855
Sure you've got no coin, pal?
393
00:21:25,313 --> 00:21:27,270
Can't tempt you with this
lovely little shit pan,
394
00:21:27,271 --> 00:21:28,688
just for the small shits?
395
00:21:31,021 --> 00:21:32,563
Er, he was born without speech.
396
00:21:34,105 --> 00:21:35,313
As was she.
397
00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:38,605
Heard the big news
from up the citadel?
398
00:21:39,271 --> 00:21:40,521
We have not, Sir.
399
00:21:41,063 --> 00:21:42,730
It's all over for Queen Dagan.
400
00:21:43,771 --> 00:21:45,480
Humble Joan holds the realm now.
401
00:21:46,063 --> 00:21:47,188
What do you make of that?
402
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:48,813
What do you make of that?
403
00:21:50,105 --> 00:21:51,188
Glorious.
404
00:21:52,188 --> 00:21:53,437
Absolutely fantastic.
405
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:55,313
It's, it's so good.
406
00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:57,687
They say Humble Joan
has some sort of dust
407
00:21:57,688 --> 00:21:59,313
that goes boom!
408
00:21:59,438 --> 00:22:02,230
Went through them walls like
piss through a snowdrift.
409
00:22:02,813 --> 00:22:04,105
Good job and all.
410
00:22:04,355 --> 00:22:06,563
Dagan was a right old cow.
411
00:22:06,771 --> 00:22:08,937
Well, let's not be
too hard on her.
412
00:22:08,938 --> 00:22:10,020
She was a cow, mate.
413
00:22:10,021 --> 00:22:11,645
Like, if I were to
compose a ranking list
414
00:22:11,646 --> 00:22:13,521
of my favourite evil tyrants,
415
00:22:14,146 --> 00:22:15,605
she'd never make top twenty.
416
00:22:15,730 --> 00:22:17,312
Well, we've delayed
you long enough.
417
00:22:17,313 --> 00:22:19,354
Nailed on bottom five.
Bottom two, even.
418
00:22:19,355 --> 00:22:20,813
We really must be going.
419
00:22:20,938 --> 00:22:25,104
This way is east, isn't it?
- Last place is either Dagan or-
420
00:22:25,105 --> 00:22:27,812
hmm, Magnus the Flagellator?
421
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:29,312
And Magnus did a lot
more charity work
422
00:22:29,313 --> 00:22:30,730
than people remember.
423
00:22:31,521 --> 00:22:33,271
It's sort of
overshadowed, you know?
424
00:22:34,146 --> 00:22:35,646
By the flagellations.
425
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,562
Well, it's been a pleasure.
426
00:22:37,563 --> 00:22:40,230
She's not the queen.
427
00:22:44,355 --> 00:22:45,605
He speaks!
428
00:22:46,688 --> 00:22:49,020
Mute all his sad life,
429
00:22:49,021 --> 00:22:51,855
and now, here on this moor,
430
00:22:52,313 --> 00:22:54,563
he magics whole phrases.
431
00:22:55,105 --> 00:22:56,646
She's not the queen.
432
00:22:57,855 --> 00:22:59,563
And he doesn't even
know what they mean.
433
00:23:00,688 --> 00:23:03,229
Well, farewell, good
sir, and good munging.
434
00:23:03,230 --> 00:23:07,563
Oh, hey, if you're heading
east, beware a certain forest.
435
00:23:09,646 --> 00:23:10,688
What forest?
436
00:23:11,271 --> 00:23:13,188
I just told you, a certain one.
437
00:23:14,646 --> 00:23:16,230
Okay...
438
00:23:25,980 --> 00:23:28,688
If he looks behind, we
have something to fear.
439
00:23:39,855 --> 00:23:41,480
All is well.
440
00:23:47,188 --> 00:23:48,896
It was a nice little
shit pan, that.
441
00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:00,270
I should be sitting at my desk
442
00:24:00,271 --> 00:24:02,355
having a cheeky midweek wine.
443
00:24:02,980 --> 00:24:04,688
You know I collect goblets?
- Do ya?
444
00:24:04,813 --> 00:24:05,895
People think I
work all the time,
445
00:24:05,896 --> 00:24:07,479
but I've got loads of interests.
446
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:11,645
Socialising, giving
orders. Mmm...
447
00:24:11,646 --> 00:24:13,187
We don't even know if
they came this way.
448
00:24:13,188 --> 00:24:15,021
Bloody runaway monarchs!
449
00:24:15,230 --> 00:24:17,355
So annoying!
450
00:24:19,188 --> 00:24:20,896
I know this pattern!
451
00:24:22,063 --> 00:24:23,855
They're close, Max.
452
00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:26,021
They're close.
453
00:24:27,021 --> 00:24:28,438
Darkness gathers.
454
00:24:28,855 --> 00:24:30,355
We'll dwell the night here.
455
00:24:30,938 --> 00:24:33,605
I can't remember when
I wasn't walking.
456
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:35,980
How long has it been?
457
00:24:36,271 --> 00:24:39,313
All day, all night, another day.
458
00:24:43,605 --> 00:24:49,604
Oh, my toes, they look
like boxers' eyelids!
459
00:24:49,605 --> 00:24:52,688
I'm-I'm rancid. I'm rotting.
460
00:24:53,105 --> 00:24:56,271
My royal body requires
a palace to rest in.
461
00:24:56,855 --> 00:24:57,980
- Here?
- Yes.
462
00:24:58,146 --> 00:24:59,687
Make a palace happen around me.
463
00:24:59,688 --> 00:25:01,188
A good stone one.
464
00:25:02,938 --> 00:25:04,063
Okay.
465
00:25:06,438 --> 00:25:09,271
I can't sleep without
my anthem, Shulmay.
466
00:25:13,063 --> 00:25:18,146
Harsh as a lion, she
tramples her foes,
467
00:25:18,605 --> 00:25:20,604
raises burdensome taxes
468
00:25:20,605 --> 00:25:23,855
on their howling widows,
469
00:25:24,021 --> 00:25:28,021
Queen, Queen Dagan.
470
00:25:28,230 --> 00:25:29,854
While Queen Dagan slept,
471
00:25:29,855 --> 00:25:33,021
Humble Joan was working
late at the citadel.
472
00:25:33,355 --> 00:25:36,063
Ultimate super weapons don't
make themselves, you know.
473
00:25:36,271 --> 00:25:38,271
Easy does it.
474
00:25:40,646 --> 00:25:42,188
Beautiful.
475
00:25:44,646 --> 00:25:47,395
It's kings and queens
who yearn for portraits.
476
00:25:47,396 --> 00:25:50,395
Oh, but Joan, you're the
greatest woman of the age.
477
00:25:50,396 --> 00:25:55,438
Alright, if you must, but
it doesn't matter to me.
478
00:25:57,605 --> 00:25:59,480
How will you do my hair?
479
00:25:59,730 --> 00:26:01,855
A message from Leofwine.
480
00:26:02,646 --> 00:26:04,771
'I'm pursuing the
tyrant Dagan eastward.
481
00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:07,063
Though she's proved
elusive so far,
482
00:26:07,355 --> 00:26:10,188
I expect to capture her
very tremendously soon.'
483
00:26:11,105 --> 00:26:13,313
Dagan's alive.
484
00:26:13,938 --> 00:26:16,813
While her heart beats,
I cannot rest easy.
485
00:26:20,521 --> 00:26:22,271
It's damn cold out there.
486
00:26:23,063 --> 00:26:24,563
It's toasty in this palace.
487
00:26:25,355 --> 00:26:27,438
If a little... heavy.
488
00:26:27,688 --> 00:26:29,937
Would you like us to remove
some stones, Your Majesty?
489
00:26:29,938 --> 00:26:32,187
No, no, don't be ridiculous.
490
00:26:32,188 --> 00:26:34,770
Then I'd be cold, like you.
491
00:26:34,771 --> 00:26:36,021
Night-night.
492
00:26:37,313 --> 00:26:38,355
Shulmay.
493
00:26:38,813 --> 00:26:39,855
Bobik.
494
00:26:41,605 --> 00:26:43,313
I'm in this to be an earl.
495
00:26:44,896 --> 00:26:47,312
And Dagan's in this to
get her kingdom back.
496
00:26:47,313 --> 00:26:48,938
What's in it for you?
497
00:26:50,230 --> 00:26:54,855
When I was a girl, I found
myself with no family,
498
00:26:55,355 --> 00:26:57,855
nor any friends to keep me.
499
00:26:58,438 --> 00:27:02,145
So, I banged my little
fists on the citadel gates
500
00:27:02,146 --> 00:27:04,312
and I begged for a job.
501
00:27:04,313 --> 00:27:07,146
They made me table
servant to Ur-Nammu.
502
00:27:07,396 --> 00:27:10,396
The old king, Dagan's dad.
503
00:27:11,771 --> 00:27:14,438
One night I'm sent
to fetch his dinner,
504
00:27:15,563 --> 00:27:18,605
citadel's a warren, I get lost.
505
00:27:20,021 --> 00:27:22,980
Ur-Nammu's dinner comes
late, and it comes cold.
506
00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:28,438
So, he gives an order to
feed me to his wolves.
507
00:27:33,980 --> 00:27:35,480
That's not very good, is it?
508
00:27:35,771 --> 00:27:39,938
His wife, Queen Fritha,
bargained for my life.
509
00:27:41,230 --> 00:27:43,438
She made me a servant
in her chambers.
510
00:27:43,646 --> 00:27:46,188
And for five years I
stayed with her there.
511
00:27:47,105 --> 00:27:49,480
Fritha always wore a
charm around her neck.
512
00:27:50,146 --> 00:27:52,438
When the illness took
her, she gave it to me.
513
00:27:53,438 --> 00:27:54,687
And she said -
514
00:27:54,688 --> 00:27:56,563
If that girl is ever in trouble,
515
00:27:57,271 --> 00:28:01,521
please look after her.
516
00:28:02,605 --> 00:28:04,355
Queen Fritha always wore this.
517
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,521
It's Dagan's first baby tooth.
518
00:28:08,980 --> 00:28:11,521
Fritha saved me, and
I couldn't save her.
519
00:28:14,813 --> 00:28:16,605
So, I'll save her daughter,
520
00:28:17,355 --> 00:28:19,271
whether her daughter
likes it or not.
521
00:28:19,605 --> 00:28:21,271
Dagan doesn't know about this?
522
00:28:21,563 --> 00:28:23,313
She won't hear
talk of her mother.
523
00:28:26,021 --> 00:28:27,355
That's just how it is.
524
00:28:28,063 --> 00:28:30,021
You're a good person, Shulmay.
525
00:28:30,313 --> 00:28:32,230
You deserve good things
to happen to you.
526
00:28:34,980 --> 00:28:36,021
Yeah.
527
00:28:40,563 --> 00:28:41,605
Ni-night.
528
00:28:48,813 --> 00:28:50,187
- Come on!
- What?
529
00:28:50,188 --> 00:28:51,646
Sun's coming up.
530
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,021
Time to get moving.
531
00:28:53,396 --> 00:28:55,813
One of us has to have some
discipline around here.
532
00:28:56,730 --> 00:28:58,063
Looks like it's me.
533
00:28:59,105 --> 00:29:00,313
Off we pop!
534
00:29:07,146 --> 00:29:09,396
This is my morning song I sing,
535
00:29:09,980 --> 00:29:11,980
in summer, winter,
and in spring.
536
00:29:12,438 --> 00:29:15,021
It's made from air
that I breathe in,
537
00:29:15,563 --> 00:29:18,313
and then push out
my mouth again.
538
00:29:21,063 --> 00:29:23,355
Shulmay, I seek your advice.
539
00:29:23,563 --> 00:29:24,854
Lowly you may be,
540
00:29:24,855 --> 00:29:27,230
but you're what's here,
so, you'll have to do.
541
00:29:27,396 --> 00:29:29,437
Hmm. Such an honour.
542
00:29:29,438 --> 00:29:33,271
King Ivarr, King Guthrum.
543
00:29:33,813 --> 00:29:38,980
I'll marry one of them to bind
the alliance and make an heir.
544
00:29:40,188 --> 00:29:42,355
But which one?
545
00:29:42,605 --> 00:29:46,396
Guthrum's warriors could
lay waste to whole shires,
546
00:29:46,605 --> 00:29:50,605
but Ivarr's fleets could
ravage hell itself.
547
00:29:50,938 --> 00:29:53,396
Choices, choices.
548
00:29:53,730 --> 00:29:54,812
They both sound delightful,
549
00:29:54,813 --> 00:29:57,146
but would your mother
want you marrying either?
550
00:29:58,230 --> 00:30:00,396
What I mean to say is...
- You said nothing.
551
00:30:01,105 --> 00:30:03,563
And you will never speak
of that nothing, ever.
552
00:30:04,105 --> 00:30:05,604
Do you understand?
553
00:30:05,605 --> 00:30:07,188
Yes, my Queen.
554
00:30:13,521 --> 00:30:16,980
And all the while, the traitor,
Leofwine, pursued them.
555
00:30:18,271 --> 00:30:20,813
Unrelenting, unstoppable,
556
00:30:21,230 --> 00:30:23,813
like a machine, but
with great hair.
557
00:30:25,688 --> 00:30:26,688
Yeah.
558
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:29,562
Up there.
559
00:30:29,563 --> 00:30:30,980
Three of 'em.
560
00:30:40,771 --> 00:30:42,480
And... halt.
561
00:30:44,396 --> 00:30:46,771
Dinner time.
562
00:30:47,355 --> 00:30:49,479
Ooh, hello lump.
563
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:50,563
Rip.
564
00:30:53,105 --> 00:30:54,563
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
565
00:30:57,938 --> 00:30:59,146
- It's lamb.
- It's cheese.
566
00:30:59,355 --> 00:31:01,438
It's all we've got to eat
for the next ninety miles.
567
00:31:05,355 --> 00:31:09,146
Why just eat when we can feast?
568
00:31:11,563 --> 00:31:14,146
Fine pork aplenty there.
569
00:31:14,271 --> 00:31:16,480
More than enough to
last us all the way.
570
00:31:16,896 --> 00:31:19,230
And this is our bait.
571
00:31:19,813 --> 00:31:21,855
Yeah, boars are nimble.
572
00:31:22,438 --> 00:31:23,729
We'll need a bow to catch it.
573
00:31:23,730 --> 00:31:25,896
I'm an incredible hunter.
574
00:31:32,355 --> 00:31:34,937
My Queen, we used
to hide in a ditch,
575
00:31:34,938 --> 00:31:37,355
and release the animals
as you came past.
576
00:31:40,438 --> 00:31:41,979
Well, I still had
to catch the things.
577
00:31:41,980 --> 00:31:43,479
It's not as though
you lamed them.
578
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,146
- Well...
- Shh!
579
00:31:45,271 --> 00:31:46,855
You'll startle our prey.
580
00:31:50,146 --> 00:31:53,438
Surprise attack!
581
00:31:56,688 --> 00:31:59,771
Yeah, maybe don't actually
say, 'surprise attack'.
582
00:32:01,438 --> 00:32:02,521
Here we go.
583
00:32:04,396 --> 00:32:05,938
Good piggy.
584
00:32:17,271 --> 00:32:20,521
It's a bit fucking late now!
585
00:32:21,355 --> 00:32:22,355
Ow!
586
00:32:22,356 --> 00:32:26,021
He'll stay longer... if
we leave the whole lump.
587
00:32:40,188 --> 00:32:41,230
She's gonna do it.
588
00:32:49,355 --> 00:32:50,646
Urgh.
589
00:32:55,021 --> 00:32:56,813
You're angry with me.
590
00:32:58,105 --> 00:33:00,229
You know, if anyone's to
blame here, Shulmay...
591
00:33:00,230 --> 00:33:01,355
Really?
592
00:33:08,146 --> 00:33:10,896
If anyone's to blame
here, Shulmay...
593
00:33:13,896 --> 00:33:14,896
it's me.
594
00:33:16,646 --> 00:33:18,730
And it's my fault
we've no food now.
595
00:33:20,188 --> 00:33:21,480
And...?
596
00:33:22,688 --> 00:33:28,646
And I'm... sorry.
597
00:33:29,021 --> 00:33:31,230
An apology. Thank you.
598
00:33:32,396 --> 00:33:33,896
Up we get.
599
00:33:34,355 --> 00:33:36,271
No time for slackers, eh?
600
00:33:42,646 --> 00:33:45,396
Shulmay, isn't it strange,
601
00:33:46,563 --> 00:33:48,771
a few days ago I didn't
even know your name,
602
00:33:49,271 --> 00:33:50,605
or any servant's.
603
00:33:50,855 --> 00:33:53,188
And now here I am.
604
00:33:54,730 --> 00:33:56,105
Here we are.
605
00:34:05,021 --> 00:34:06,520
I did a table.
606
00:34:06,521 --> 00:34:09,105
Tonight, we shall feast
upon the rich flesh...
607
00:34:28,646 --> 00:34:30,980
Dagan's pretty crown.
608
00:34:33,813 --> 00:34:34,855
This way.
609
00:34:37,896 --> 00:34:39,521
{\an8}Tell me about yourself, Bobik.
610
00:34:39,730 --> 00:34:41,771
{\an8}And I'll listen this
time, I actually will.
611
00:34:42,105 --> 00:34:43,605
I was born in a bin.
612
00:34:44,438 --> 00:34:46,145
When we were little, we
couldn't afford clothes,
613
00:34:46,146 --> 00:34:48,980
so, we made our
own out of nettles.
614
00:34:49,730 --> 00:34:50,896
Ouch.
615
00:34:51,105 --> 00:34:52,688
That was my first word.
616
00:34:53,396 --> 00:34:55,438
Then there was the
whole rest of my life.
617
00:34:56,813 --> 00:34:57,980
And then there's now.
618
00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:01,021
Which is the important
bit, isn't it?
619
00:35:02,271 --> 00:35:03,771
Yeah, he's actually right.
620
00:35:04,105 --> 00:35:05,895
We fret so much
about the future,
621
00:35:05,896 --> 00:35:07,605
or I do, anyway.
622
00:35:08,146 --> 00:35:11,146
And then when you get
to the future, it's now.
623
00:35:11,855 --> 00:35:13,521
Life is made of nows.
624
00:35:18,271 --> 00:35:21,605
It's always now.
625
00:35:24,980 --> 00:35:26,980
Such wisdom.
626
00:35:27,355 --> 00:35:29,521
There's an invisible
snail of time,
627
00:35:29,938 --> 00:35:32,188
and he eats all your nows.
628
00:35:32,521 --> 00:35:34,563
The day you see him
is the day you die.
629
00:35:36,313 --> 00:35:38,063
And he's called Big Liam.
630
00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:42,021
It was going so well till then.
631
00:35:43,855 --> 00:35:46,396
Ooh, I bet they've got
good pies down there.
632
00:35:46,771 --> 00:35:47,937
We've gotta eat sometime.
633
00:35:47,938 --> 00:35:49,605
Well, we can't enter a town.
634
00:35:50,355 --> 00:35:51,813
Got no money anyway.
635
00:35:52,271 --> 00:35:53,313
Got these.
636
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:55,646
No.
637
00:35:55,855 --> 00:35:59,355
No, I'm not shovelling
turds for copper coins.
638
00:36:00,063 --> 00:36:01,438
I'm just not.
639
00:36:02,896 --> 00:36:06,312
I said I'm not shovelling
turds for copper coins.
640
00:36:06,313 --> 00:36:07,563
Did you hear me?
641
00:36:07,771 --> 00:36:08,855
Guys?
642
00:36:15,271 --> 00:36:16,271
Bread!
643
00:36:16,563 --> 00:36:18,480
Only one quarter sawdust!
644
00:36:19,146 --> 00:36:20,938
- Bread!
- Finest wool!
645
00:36:22,521 --> 00:36:23,854
Get your random geese!
646
00:36:23,855 --> 00:36:26,895
Oyez, oyez!
647
00:36:26,896 --> 00:36:29,854
News from the citadel.
648
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:30,937
Shh, shh, shh.
649
00:36:30,938 --> 00:36:33,438
The siege is over.
650
00:36:33,563 --> 00:36:36,605
The victor is Humble Joan!
651
00:36:41,271 --> 00:36:44,563
- Humble Joan!
- Shulmay.
652
00:36:45,230 --> 00:36:47,271
Sorry, excuse me, sorry.
653
00:36:49,355 --> 00:36:50,855
Hooray!
654
00:36:52,938 --> 00:36:54,771
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
655
00:37:00,938 --> 00:37:03,063
Urgh. Yuck.
656
00:37:07,063 --> 00:37:08,813
Shit spaders for hire, you said.
657
00:37:09,021 --> 00:37:11,270
- Yeah.
- You can spade shit.
658
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:14,270
- Thank you.
- You can sort of spade shit.
659
00:37:14,271 --> 00:37:16,438
But I've got no words for you.
660
00:37:16,730 --> 00:37:20,021
Pick up the pace,
or nobody gets paid!
661
00:37:21,230 --> 00:37:23,770
Bobik, I need to improve!
662
00:37:23,771 --> 00:37:26,312
It takes many, many years to
master the way of the spade.
663
00:37:26,313 --> 00:37:28,354
It's... it's not something
you can just get across
664
00:37:28,355 --> 00:37:29,771
in an afternoon.
665
00:37:30,063 --> 00:37:31,438
Well, can we try?
666
00:37:32,938 --> 00:37:33,938
What's your song?
667
00:37:34,063 --> 00:37:35,479
Harsh as a lion...
668
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:36,938
No, no!
669
00:37:37,146 --> 00:37:38,521
Your real song.
670
00:37:39,105 --> 00:37:40,271
Come here.
671
00:37:41,188 --> 00:37:42,313
Closer.
672
00:37:42,521 --> 00:37:44,020
Bobik not gonna hurt Dagan.
673
00:37:44,021 --> 00:37:45,438
Just close your eyes.
674
00:37:46,188 --> 00:37:47,188
Please.
675
00:37:47,896 --> 00:37:52,980
Now, I'm gonna need you to
go deep inside yourself.
676
00:37:54,021 --> 00:37:55,480
Okay?
677
00:37:55,855 --> 00:37:59,188
Now, just imagine for a second
678
00:38:00,021 --> 00:38:01,521
that you're not a queen.
679
00:38:02,438 --> 00:38:03,688
You're not a woman.
680
00:38:05,021 --> 00:38:06,855
You're not a man.
681
00:38:07,855 --> 00:38:11,896
There's no earth,
there's no sky.
682
00:38:13,438 --> 00:38:17,063
It's just you, and the spade,
683
00:38:18,521 --> 00:38:20,855
and the thing what
must be spaded.
684
00:38:22,146 --> 00:38:24,146
Now open your eyes.
685
00:38:29,021 --> 00:38:30,396
What do you see?
686
00:38:31,646 --> 00:38:32,855
Me.
687
00:38:34,563 --> 00:38:36,188
Spade.
688
00:38:38,063 --> 00:38:39,605
And that huge pile.
689
00:38:40,105 --> 00:38:42,188
BOBIK; Now, there's
a song inside you.
690
00:38:42,688 --> 00:38:46,105
Everyone has one,
deep in their soul.
691
00:38:46,396 --> 00:38:48,146
That's your spading song.
692
00:38:48,396 --> 00:38:50,063
That's your rhythm.
693
00:38:53,105 --> 00:38:54,146
No.
694
00:38:54,771 --> 00:38:56,729
I can't hear any
song, I'm sorry.
695
00:38:56,730 --> 00:38:58,020
Well, that's odd.
696
00:38:58,021 --> 00:38:59,895
Well, let's go even deeper.
697
00:38:59,896 --> 00:39:02,355
Think about something
from your past.
698
00:39:02,521 --> 00:39:04,188
Not a good idea.
699
00:39:04,605 --> 00:39:06,979
It'll be fine.
Bobik's got this.
700
00:39:06,980 --> 00:39:08,437
Well, does he, though?
701
00:39:08,438 --> 00:39:10,105
Not helping.
702
00:39:10,271 --> 00:39:13,188
Trust me. Close
your eyes again.
703
00:39:16,355 --> 00:39:18,438
Go even deeper inside.
704
00:39:19,355 --> 00:39:20,938
Deep as it goes.
705
00:39:38,438 --> 00:39:40,188
See? I told you.
706
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,563
Mum! Mum! Mum!
707
00:39:45,605 --> 00:39:46,605
No!
708
00:39:46,730 --> 00:39:51,646
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
- la-la-la...
709
00:39:55,813 --> 00:39:57,188
What's the racket?
710
00:39:59,105 --> 00:40:03,437
What shit spader breaks
their own shit spade?
711
00:40:03,438 --> 00:40:05,395
Leathermaker, we will
redouble our efforts.
712
00:40:05,396 --> 00:40:07,104
You'll redouble your
efforts to fuck off.
713
00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:09,355
- Kind leathermaker...
- Fuck off!
714
00:40:09,563 --> 00:40:10,730
Brilliant.
715
00:40:11,730 --> 00:40:13,521
How we gonna earn coin now?
716
00:40:13,896 --> 00:40:15,938
My only talent is being a queen.
717
00:40:16,688 --> 00:40:20,646
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls.
718
00:40:20,813 --> 00:40:23,312
Since the death of
Ur-Nammu the Great,
719
00:40:23,313 --> 00:40:27,855
you have been oppressed by
his horrendous daughter,
720
00:40:28,021 --> 00:40:31,854
the selfish, arrogant,
stuck-up little child queen,
721
00:40:31,855 --> 00:40:33,854
despised by all.
722
00:40:33,855 --> 00:40:37,020
Now is the time
for sweet revenge.
723
00:40:37,021 --> 00:40:39,855
I present to you Queen Dagan.
724
00:40:39,980 --> 00:40:43,229
You low, low wretches,
725
00:40:43,230 --> 00:40:45,895
you poo gobbling serfs,
726
00:40:45,896 --> 00:40:47,979
puss-encrusted bell-ends.
727
00:40:47,980 --> 00:40:50,479
Who dares to defame your queen?
728
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,520
Pelt the Queen with rocks.
729
00:40:52,521 --> 00:40:54,520
One for a farthing,
six for a penny.
730
00:40:54,521 --> 00:40:56,063
What great value.
731
00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:58,230
Here is a farthing.
732
00:41:01,271 --> 00:41:02,895
Who threw that?
733
00:41:02,896 --> 00:41:05,937
Suck my fat scorn,
you maggoty churl.
734
00:41:05,938 --> 00:41:09,271
I'll open your head and stab
you in the fucking mind.
735
00:41:09,730 --> 00:41:12,354
I'll hang your
balls from a spike
736
00:41:12,355 --> 00:41:15,062
so, everybody can see
how tiny they are.
737
00:41:15,063 --> 00:41:18,855
Very, very, very tiny balls.
738
00:41:19,063 --> 00:41:20,063
It's Bobik.
739
00:41:20,064 --> 00:41:22,562
I heard her speak once and
she sounded just like that.
740
00:41:22,563 --> 00:41:24,104
Do her some damage.
741
00:41:24,105 --> 00:41:26,355
Six for a penny.
742
00:41:32,146 --> 00:41:35,271
Is that all you've got,
you cock-sucking witches?
743
00:41:37,938 --> 00:41:40,979
I was a superb
puppeteer, was I not?
744
00:41:40,980 --> 00:41:42,020
Fantastic.
745
00:41:42,021 --> 00:41:44,855
- How good was I, Bobik?
- You were absolutely shit.
746
00:41:50,646 --> 00:41:51,979
You're doing a jest.
747
00:41:51,980 --> 00:41:53,062
That I am.
748
00:41:53,063 --> 00:41:55,354
- And a great one at that.
- Thank you.
749
00:41:55,355 --> 00:41:56,979
Well, we've earned
enough for food.
750
00:41:56,980 --> 00:41:58,062
And beer.
751
00:41:58,063 --> 00:42:00,770
And toenail paint, which I'm
not convinced that we need.
752
00:42:00,771 --> 00:42:02,979
I need it, Shulmay, I just do.
753
00:42:02,980 --> 00:42:04,646
It's a queen thing,
judge me not.
754
00:42:07,021 --> 00:42:08,438
Help.
755
00:42:09,271 --> 00:42:11,396
She likes you. Smile back.
756
00:42:15,396 --> 00:42:16,605
You flirted, Bobik.
757
00:42:17,021 --> 00:42:19,354
People who don't smell get
to do that now and then.
758
00:42:19,355 --> 00:42:21,895
So, we take the Great
East Road from here,
759
00:42:21,896 --> 00:42:24,271
and then it's a few days
to Fingerstone Rock.
760
00:42:24,438 --> 00:42:26,270
Then we're out across the sea.
761
00:42:26,271 --> 00:42:27,895
We're halfway to salvation.
762
00:42:27,896 --> 00:42:31,771
And I'm still wearing
this little chap.
763
00:42:33,646 --> 00:42:34,979
Boop.
764
00:42:34,980 --> 00:42:37,605
And it's safe so long
as I have my friends.
765
00:42:38,896 --> 00:42:42,188
I said that exact thing
only a week ago to others.
766
00:42:42,813 --> 00:42:44,688
And then they
tried to murder me.
767
00:42:45,605 --> 00:42:46,646
Urgh.
768
00:42:47,730 --> 00:42:52,271
You two haven't murdered
me, not even a tiny bit.
769
00:42:53,021 --> 00:42:54,229
We're your friends.
770
00:42:54,230 --> 00:42:56,855
Best friends, forever.
771
00:42:57,063 --> 00:42:59,271
Even though you're
both very, very common.
772
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:00,895
And when I'm back on my throne,
773
00:43:00,896 --> 00:43:05,146
I shall rain riches
and titles on you both.
774
00:43:05,396 --> 00:43:06,396
You said that before.
775
00:43:06,397 --> 00:43:08,396
Yes, but I was fibbing
then. I mean it now.
776
00:43:09,063 --> 00:43:10,355
To friendship.
777
00:43:12,813 --> 00:43:14,562
Shulmay, what's your song?
778
00:43:14,563 --> 00:43:16,604
I dunno. Don't
have one probably.
779
00:43:16,605 --> 00:43:17,895
Everyone's got one.
780
00:43:17,896 --> 00:43:19,270
The tooth in the bottle.
781
00:43:19,271 --> 00:43:21,187
I mean, there must
be a story there.
782
00:43:21,188 --> 00:43:22,855
Let me guess.
783
00:43:23,188 --> 00:43:25,270
Oh, it's the tooth of
your long-lost sweetheart.
784
00:43:25,271 --> 00:43:27,521
And we can help
you win him back.
785
00:43:27,688 --> 00:43:29,270
Bobik, that'll be
our next adventure.
786
00:43:29,271 --> 00:43:31,438
- It's just a tooth.
- It's your tooth.
787
00:43:32,146 --> 00:43:35,063
Your mum, Queen Fritha,
gave it to Shulmay,
788
00:43:35,230 --> 00:43:37,562
and Shulmay made a
promise to look after you,
789
00:43:37,563 --> 00:43:39,521
'cau...'cause your
mum saved Shulmay...
790
00:43:43,688 --> 00:43:45,396
Beer... beer made me say that.
791
00:43:46,146 --> 00:43:47,521
Is that true, Shulmay?
792
00:43:49,688 --> 00:43:51,105
You're not loyal to me.
793
00:43:51,355 --> 00:43:52,730
You're not my friend.
794
00:43:53,438 --> 00:43:54,937
You're just a friend
of my mother's.
795
00:43:54,938 --> 00:43:57,605
- She was a good woman, Dagan.
- She locked herself in a tower.
796
00:43:58,313 --> 00:43:59,896
She refused to see me.
797
00:44:00,355 --> 00:44:03,104
I was abandoned, forsaken.
- No, because...
798
00:44:03,105 --> 00:44:04,813
Speak no more of that woman!
799
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,771
Okay, we're getting attention.
We need to leave, quietly.
800
00:44:12,105 --> 00:44:13,188
Don't look.
801
00:44:14,521 --> 00:44:15,895
Leofwine.
802
00:44:15,896 --> 00:44:18,145
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
803
00:44:18,146 --> 00:44:20,063
She doesn't know
you. Distract her.
804
00:44:21,188 --> 00:44:22,188
How?
805
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,646
You're not even looking
properly. Look at it.
806
00:44:25,396 --> 00:44:28,812
Oh God, your breath is
like a badger's arse.
807
00:44:28,813 --> 00:44:29,896
Hello.
808
00:44:31,855 --> 00:44:32,896
Madame.
809
00:44:34,063 --> 00:44:38,521
You are a super fine lady.
810
00:44:39,563 --> 00:44:42,313
And this is me telling you that.
811
00:44:45,146 --> 00:44:47,355
That was beer, it wasn't
a sudden gush of piss.
812
00:44:51,896 --> 00:44:55,688
This is an interaction of
some kind, but what exactly?
813
00:44:55,938 --> 00:44:57,563
It's my new thing.
814
00:44:57,855 --> 00:44:59,230
It's called flirting.
815
00:45:00,146 --> 00:45:01,521
Is it going well?
816
00:45:01,730 --> 00:45:02,896
Whoa.
817
00:45:03,438 --> 00:45:06,146
- Can it stop?
- Oh, yeah.
818
00:45:07,146 --> 00:45:08,938
Oh, sorry, sorry.
819
00:45:15,188 --> 00:45:16,188
You.
820
00:45:17,730 --> 00:45:19,105
Have you seen this woman?
821
00:45:19,771 --> 00:45:23,520
Is there a way east which
isn't the Great East Road?
822
00:45:23,521 --> 00:45:25,770
A way that's, er, much quicker,
823
00:45:25,771 --> 00:45:29,313
but at the same time isn't
used by anyone at all?
824
00:45:29,521 --> 00:45:31,355
There is such a way.
825
00:45:32,105 --> 00:45:35,105
There's a certain forest.
826
00:45:36,438 --> 00:45:38,521
You don't wanna
go through there.
827
00:45:38,646 --> 00:45:40,646
We've heard about
this certain forest.
828
00:45:40,938 --> 00:45:43,230
What's so bad about it?
- The Man-Wolf.
829
00:45:43,605 --> 00:45:47,813
Ur-Nammu the Great
loved his wolves,
830
00:45:48,021 --> 00:45:50,146
more than his own daughter even.
831
00:45:50,646 --> 00:45:55,979
Story goes he tried to
make a Man-Wolf companion
832
00:45:55,980 --> 00:45:58,687
by unnatural means.
833
00:45:58,688 --> 00:46:00,895
First, a fella was kidnapped,
834
00:46:00,896 --> 00:46:04,188
then Ur-Nammu
transformed this poor man
835
00:46:04,355 --> 00:46:05,979
with hexes and the like.
836
00:46:05,980 --> 00:46:07,896
And I'm guessing
that went badly.
837
00:46:08,021 --> 00:46:09,187
Or are you going to surprise me
838
00:46:09,188 --> 00:46:10,980
and say it went really well?
- No!
839
00:46:11,230 --> 00:46:16,104
It was a monster made with
magic only a king can undo.
840
00:46:16,105 --> 00:46:19,146
And it dwells in
those woods still,
841
00:46:19,813 --> 00:46:23,437
feasting on the fools
who take the forest path.
842
00:46:23,438 --> 00:46:26,729
Them what don't believe
the beast is real!
843
00:46:26,730 --> 00:46:28,396
Humble Joan's here!
844
00:46:29,980 --> 00:46:32,438
Oh no, not her as well.
845
00:46:33,813 --> 00:46:36,062
Humble Joan is here!
846
00:46:36,063 --> 00:46:37,312
It's Humble Joan!
847
00:46:37,313 --> 00:46:38,854
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
848
00:46:38,855 --> 00:46:44,855
Humble Joan, Humble
Joan, Humble Joan...
849
00:46:46,021 --> 00:46:48,521
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
850
00:46:48,730 --> 00:46:53,438
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
Humble Joan, Humble Joan...
851
00:46:55,313 --> 00:46:56,855
Good citizens...
852
00:46:57,646 --> 00:46:59,812
five days now since Dagan fell,
853
00:46:59,813 --> 00:47:02,604
and with her the crooked laws,
854
00:47:02,605 --> 00:47:05,938
which stole the wealth of this
land from you, the people.
855
00:47:09,730 --> 00:47:11,605
And yet Dagan lives.
856
00:47:12,271 --> 00:47:13,520
She stalks our fields.
857
00:47:13,521 --> 00:47:14,812
No! Our lanes.
858
00:47:14,813 --> 00:47:16,230
No!
859
00:47:16,355 --> 00:47:18,605
I have heard she lurks
here, in the east,
860
00:47:18,980 --> 00:47:20,937
and hopes to win
her throne again.
861
00:47:20,938 --> 00:47:22,438
Never!
862
00:47:22,688 --> 00:47:24,438
To pillage and to murder.
863
00:47:24,688 --> 00:47:28,063
And I've heard she's
done poos in your wells.
864
00:47:31,105 --> 00:47:32,646
She doesn't do that.
865
00:47:32,896 --> 00:47:34,980
300 silver marks,
866
00:47:36,021 --> 00:47:37,646
a lifetime's pay,
867
00:47:38,646 --> 00:47:42,438
all for the one who brings
me Dagan, alive or dead.
868
00:47:44,021 --> 00:47:46,271
The people are the heroes now.
869
00:47:49,730 --> 00:47:51,813
Put her head on a spike.
870
00:47:54,646 --> 00:47:56,438
Quick, Dagan, this way.
871
00:48:10,188 --> 00:48:13,813
Stop it! She's here.
872
00:48:15,771 --> 00:48:17,271
She's here.
873
00:48:18,521 --> 00:48:21,104
The little piggy princess.
874
00:48:21,105 --> 00:48:22,396
Bobik!
875
00:48:23,980 --> 00:48:25,480
Bobik!
- Yeah? No.
876
00:48:27,355 --> 00:48:29,312
Is that woman gone?
- Yes, come on!
877
00:48:29,313 --> 00:48:31,563
Scary. But lovely hair.
878
00:48:32,271 --> 00:48:36,771
So, they took the path
where nobody goes,
879
00:48:36,980 --> 00:48:39,438
into a certain forest.
880
00:48:40,605 --> 00:48:42,104
Man-Wolf.
881
00:48:42,105 --> 00:48:44,230
No. No, such thing.
882
00:48:44,896 --> 00:48:46,396
Absolutely not, no.
883
00:48:47,396 --> 00:48:48,480
No way.
884
00:48:48,646 --> 00:48:50,312
Stay on the path.
885
00:48:50,313 --> 00:48:51,771
Never leave the path.
886
00:48:51,938 --> 00:48:55,312
Bobik, tell this woman
she has us utterly lost.
887
00:48:55,313 --> 00:48:56,980
You still not talking to her?
888
00:48:57,105 --> 00:49:00,187
Well, I'll travel
with her if I must.
889
00:49:00,188 --> 00:49:02,895
But it's my mother she loves.
890
00:49:02,896 --> 00:49:06,270
So, all former
relations are severed.
891
00:49:06,271 --> 00:49:07,980
I liked it when we
were in the pub.
892
00:49:08,105 --> 00:49:08,938
There was beer.
893
00:49:08,939 --> 00:49:11,812
If it cheers you up, Bobik,
you can have an extra county
894
00:49:11,813 --> 00:49:13,354
on your earldom.
- Whoa.
895
00:49:13,355 --> 00:49:15,646
Hey, will there be
ale in this county?
896
00:49:15,813 --> 00:49:17,020
All the ale you can guzzle.
897
00:49:17,021 --> 00:49:18,354
What, and pies?
898
00:49:18,355 --> 00:49:20,521
- Pies too.
- What kind of pies?
899
00:49:21,105 --> 00:49:23,187
- All the pies you can imagine.
- Wow!
900
00:49:23,188 --> 00:49:25,354
Well, hey, I can
imagine a great many
901
00:49:25,355 --> 00:49:26,479
different kinds of pies.
902
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,479
I'm sure you can, but
there's no need to list them.
903
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:29,937
You've got apple
pie, mutton pie.
904
00:49:29,938 --> 00:49:32,062
- Here we go.
- Elderberry pie, venison pie.
905
00:49:32,063 --> 00:49:33,187
- Yeah.
- Rabbit pie.
906
00:49:33,188 --> 00:49:34,854
- Rabbit pie's a nice pie.
- Mm-hmm.
907
00:49:34,855 --> 00:49:36,855
But then, of course, you
have all the fish pies.
908
00:49:37,063 --> 00:49:39,605
Imagine for a moment
any fish in the river,
909
00:49:39,855 --> 00:49:41,688
and then just say the
word 'pie' after it.
910
00:49:41,813 --> 00:49:43,980
- Got it.
- Go on, have a go. Give me one.
911
00:49:44,855 --> 00:49:46,020
- Trout.
- Trout pie, yes.
912
00:49:46,021 --> 00:49:47,812
Salmon pie. Now,
eel pie is very...
913
00:49:47,813 --> 00:49:49,271
What's that?
914
00:49:54,271 --> 00:49:56,730
Are we standing in the lair
of the deadly Man-Wolf?
915
00:49:59,230 --> 00:50:01,150
I command you not to panic.
But yes, yes, we are.
916
00:50:02,313 --> 00:50:04,271
Hey, please don't leave me!
917
00:50:05,896 --> 00:50:09,105
Circle of safety, circle of
safety, circle of safety,
918
00:50:09,230 --> 00:50:10,480
circle of safety!
- Oh, God!
919
00:50:10,605 --> 00:50:11,980
Oh, Gods, whatever!
920
00:50:15,188 --> 00:50:16,313
Halt.
921
00:50:17,396 --> 00:50:19,105
You were no shit spader.
922
00:50:19,646 --> 00:50:20,813
That I could tell.
923
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,354
Then I saw that panting,
you with the crown.
924
00:50:24,355 --> 00:50:26,605
No, no, I'm Hilda.
925
00:50:26,980 --> 00:50:29,063
I... I'm a travelling merchant.
926
00:50:29,271 --> 00:50:30,396
Let's walk.
927
00:50:31,230 --> 00:50:32,813
300 silver marks will
buy me all the...
928
00:50:36,563 --> 00:50:37,521
Huh?
929
00:50:37,522 --> 00:50:39,687
Saw him creep off
with his long sword,
930
00:50:39,688 --> 00:50:41,063
like he knew something.
931
00:50:41,730 --> 00:50:43,563
And he led me all
the way to you...
932
00:50:44,563 --> 00:50:45,938
Your Majesty.
933
00:50:46,271 --> 00:50:48,479
Gods and ancestors,
assist me now.
934
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:49,896
Don't waste your breathe.
935
00:50:50,021 --> 00:50:52,480
My 300 silver marks will...
936
00:51:00,105 --> 00:51:01,730
Oh, my...
937
00:51:02,688 --> 00:51:07,687
Couldn't let him be the one to
catch the great Queen Dagan.
938
00:51:07,688 --> 00:51:10,855
And now, 300 silver...
939
00:51:15,855 --> 00:51:17,395
Ludicrous!
940
00:51:17,396 --> 00:51:19,396
That leathermaker
tried to send us north.
941
00:51:20,021 --> 00:51:21,563
But we figured out his game.
942
00:51:22,105 --> 00:51:24,355
And those 300 silver marks...
943
00:51:30,605 --> 00:51:32,396
- Shall be mi...
- Argh!
944
00:51:35,313 --> 00:51:36,563
No, you don't.
945
00:51:36,896 --> 00:51:41,271
You are a difficult person
to track down and behead.
946
00:51:44,105 --> 00:51:45,229
If you want to talk
your way out of this,
947
00:51:45,230 --> 00:51:46,521
now's your chance.
948
00:51:48,146 --> 00:51:49,230
Leofwine...
949
00:51:50,396 --> 00:51:53,645
I mean, we go way
back, and I thought...
950
00:51:53,646 --> 00:51:55,771
Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...
951
00:51:58,646 --> 00:51:59,646
Carry on.
952
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:04,187
You know, maybe we could just...
953
00:52:04,188 --> 00:52:08,271
- Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...
954
00:52:08,563 --> 00:52:11,521
Dear sweet, stupid,
955
00:52:11,730 --> 00:52:15,563
stupid, stupid
956
00:52:16,021 --> 00:52:18,062
Dagan!
- You won't escape this.
957
00:52:18,063 --> 00:52:19,646
The mighty Bobik.
958
00:52:19,771 --> 00:52:22,395
He'll be here any moment.
959
00:52:22,396 --> 00:52:24,688
Circle of safety,
circle of safety.
960
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:30,229
Nobody's coming for you.
961
00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:31,479
Leofwine, listen!
962
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,896
Humble Joan, she'll just cast
you aside as soon as she can.
963
00:52:35,271 --> 00:52:36,396
She can't.
964
00:52:38,855 --> 00:52:40,896
You don't think Joan's
in charge, do you?
965
00:52:41,063 --> 00:52:43,312
People like you and her,
you don't actually govern.
966
00:52:43,313 --> 00:52:45,146
People like me do that.
967
00:52:45,688 --> 00:52:47,521
I gather taxes,
968
00:52:47,730 --> 00:52:49,271
I pay the druids,
969
00:52:49,396 --> 00:52:50,854
I burn the druids,
970
00:52:50,855 --> 00:52:53,229
I hire cheaper, new druids.
971
00:52:53,230 --> 00:52:56,355
I run the show,
and I always did.
972
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:01,563
Urgh!
973
00:53:04,021 --> 00:53:05,188
You...
974
00:53:09,313 --> 00:53:10,605
You should have...
975
00:53:26,563 --> 00:53:28,271
- She's dead.
- joined me!
976
00:53:28,438 --> 00:53:30,146
I had so many plans.
977
00:53:32,563 --> 00:53:35,480
All dust now.
978
00:53:37,063 --> 00:53:39,896
Dust... now.
979
00:53:45,146 --> 00:53:46,938
- She's dead.
- No!
980
00:53:47,438 --> 00:53:53,146
I'm alive, Dagan,
I'm still alive.
981
00:53:55,771 --> 00:53:57,646
- Now...
982
00:54:00,438 --> 00:54:01,896
Oh, for God's sake.
983
00:54:12,355 --> 00:54:14,646
I've actually literally
wet my breeches.
984
00:54:16,438 --> 00:54:18,355
The queen has moistened herself.
985
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:22,063
At least that man-wolf
never showed up.
986
00:54:24,688 --> 00:54:25,813
Shulmay!
987
00:54:27,438 --> 00:54:29,604
I'm coming, Shulmay!
988
00:54:29,605 --> 00:54:32,396
Get your hands off my friend!
989
00:54:39,230 --> 00:54:40,646
Urgh!
990
00:54:48,813 --> 00:54:50,646
Relax.
991
00:54:52,605 --> 00:54:54,021
It's broken.
992
00:54:55,730 --> 00:54:58,480
Your crown broke the spell.
993
00:55:03,438 --> 00:55:05,188
I can return to my family.
994
00:55:06,313 --> 00:55:08,688
Thank you for setting me free.
995
00:55:14,563 --> 00:55:16,105
Hey, you alright, Clive?
996
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:18,605
I ain't seen you in years.
997
00:55:19,938 --> 00:55:21,021
You're looking well.
998
00:55:22,355 --> 00:55:24,813
Shulmay, are you hurt?
999
00:55:25,021 --> 00:55:26,396
You came to save me.
1000
00:55:26,563 --> 00:55:28,937
You took off your crown
for a lowly wretch like me.
1001
00:55:28,938 --> 00:55:30,938
Oh, but what a wretch.
1002
00:55:31,605 --> 00:55:33,688
What a wretch.
1003
00:55:37,313 --> 00:55:39,270
With that huge bounty on
your head, we won't get far,
1004
00:55:39,271 --> 00:55:41,520
but Leofwine's a close
enough match for you.
1005
00:55:41,521 --> 00:55:43,104
We still have your
scarlet robes.
1006
00:55:43,105 --> 00:55:45,730
If she's found in them, the
hunt for the Queen ends.
1007
00:55:45,938 --> 00:55:47,770
But we have different faces.
1008
00:55:47,771 --> 00:55:49,895
Yes, but this is craggy country.
1009
00:55:49,896 --> 00:55:52,813
We'll find a cliff and drop
her off a decent height.
1010
00:55:54,313 --> 00:55:55,521
I get it.
1011
00:55:55,688 --> 00:55:58,604
If Leofwine's head
lands on a hard surface,
1012
00:55:58,605 --> 00:56:00,979
then her face will be
all blown inside out
1013
00:56:00,980 --> 00:56:03,688
and splintered, crushed.
1014
00:56:04,521 --> 00:56:07,563
See? Put her in the
gown, she's almost you.
1015
00:56:07,855 --> 00:56:09,313
Just the face to think about.
1016
00:56:10,896 --> 00:56:11,730
Hmm.
1017
00:56:11,731 --> 00:56:14,146
This here drop should
do the job on that.
1018
00:56:14,771 --> 00:56:16,563
Okay.
1019
00:56:17,938 --> 00:56:19,812
But she has to land correctly.
1020
00:56:19,813 --> 00:56:22,480
So, we... we've gotta
drop her this way, then.
1021
00:56:22,855 --> 00:56:24,480
No, like this.
1022
00:56:25,396 --> 00:56:27,729
Legs first, 'cause
she'll flip as she falls.
1023
00:56:27,730 --> 00:56:29,979
No, sideways, with
a touch of spin.
1024
00:56:29,980 --> 00:56:32,604
- No, headfirst.
- You haven't done this before.
1025
00:56:32,605 --> 00:56:34,021
Neither have you.
1026
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,771
Alright, sideways
with a touch of spin.
1027
00:56:37,521 --> 00:56:38,563
Okay.
1028
00:56:38,980 --> 00:56:39,980
You got her?
- Yeah.
1029
00:56:39,981 --> 00:56:41,063
Ready?
1030
00:56:41,271 --> 00:56:45,105
One, two, three.
1031
00:56:50,271 --> 00:56:51,521
Hmm.
1032
00:56:52,896 --> 00:56:54,854
Do we have to go down
and fetch her up?
1033
00:56:54,855 --> 00:56:56,563
Yes. Yes, we do.
1034
00:57:02,813 --> 00:57:05,063
Okay, headfirst.
1035
00:57:05,813 --> 00:57:09,063
One, two, three.
1036
00:57:12,021 --> 00:57:13,105
What?!
1037
00:57:14,271 --> 00:57:16,230
She flipped as she
fell, I did say.
1038
00:57:16,438 --> 00:57:19,021
- He did say.
- No, there was a sudden gust.
1039
00:57:19,896 --> 00:57:21,062
Yeah, one more time.
1040
00:57:21,063 --> 00:57:22,355
Alright.
1041
00:57:25,230 --> 00:57:26,895
Urgh, how are we
gonna pick her up?
1042
00:57:26,896 --> 00:57:29,146
She's very slightly damaged.
1043
00:57:32,896 --> 00:57:34,216
I think I've worked
something out.
1044
00:57:34,855 --> 00:57:37,312
Dagan often talks about
nailing her foes to trees
1045
00:57:37,313 --> 00:57:40,855
and opening up their guts
and other such japes.
1046
00:57:41,313 --> 00:57:43,354
When this kind of stuff
happens in front of her...
1047
00:57:43,355 --> 00:57:45,312
- She doesn't much like it.
- No, she doesn't.
1048
00:57:45,313 --> 00:57:46,521
Lies!
1049
00:57:46,855 --> 00:57:48,438
I am hard as horn.
1050
00:57:49,563 --> 00:57:52,396
In my youth, my father
made me watch such things.
1051
00:57:54,271 --> 00:57:56,937
No! No, no, no,
please, Your Majesty!
1052
00:57:56,938 --> 00:57:58,855
No, no, no! I beg you!
1053
00:57:59,563 --> 00:58:00,813
Please, no!
1054
00:58:02,021 --> 00:58:03,687
No! No!
1055
00:58:03,688 --> 00:58:04,605
No!
1056
00:58:04,606 --> 00:58:06,188
Alright.
1057
00:58:06,813 --> 00:58:08,021
I hated it.
1058
00:58:08,230 --> 00:58:10,730
I hated every
horrid moment of it!
1059
00:58:11,521 --> 00:58:12,896
Are you satisfied?
1060
00:58:14,021 --> 00:58:16,021
And my mother did nothing.
1061
00:58:17,605 --> 00:58:21,312
Mum! No! No!
1062
00:58:21,313 --> 00:58:23,146
Why won't you see me?
1063
00:58:23,896 --> 00:58:26,687
Shulmay, I feel we've
opened the wax lid
1064
00:58:26,688 --> 00:58:28,896
atop a clay vessel of worms.
1065
00:58:35,105 --> 00:58:36,229
Your father thought
your mother's love
1066
00:58:36,230 --> 00:58:37,688
would make you soft,
1067
00:58:38,771 --> 00:58:40,521
so, he locked her
away in a tower,
1068
00:58:41,230 --> 00:58:42,729
and anyone who
spoke of her again
1069
00:58:42,730 --> 00:58:44,563
would be pressed
through a cattle grid.
1070
00:58:45,021 --> 00:58:46,646
She never abandoned you, Dagan.
1071
00:58:49,646 --> 00:58:51,938
My mother lo... loved me?
1072
00:58:52,396 --> 00:58:53,521
Always.
1073
00:58:54,896 --> 00:58:56,146
Why did nobody tell me?
1074
00:58:56,605 --> 00:58:57,938
The cattle grid.
1075
00:58:58,105 --> 00:58:59,438
Oh.
1076
00:59:00,313 --> 00:59:02,813
Your father was a bad man.
1077
00:59:04,021 --> 00:59:06,271
And not worthy of
your admiration.
1078
00:59:07,146 --> 00:59:09,980
But that is just the
opinion of Bobik.
1079
00:59:11,271 --> 00:59:12,813
I've been so wrong.
1080
00:59:15,355 --> 00:59:16,980
Shall we have a third
go then, or what?
1081
00:59:17,230 --> 00:59:18,313
I reckon we've got this.
1082
00:59:20,771 --> 00:59:23,355
Just let me do one thing.
1083
00:59:27,688 --> 00:59:29,230
Okay, feet first.
1084
00:59:29,771 --> 00:59:30,813
You ready?
1085
00:59:31,646 --> 00:59:35,605
One, two, three.
1086
00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:39,730
With the flip.
1087
00:59:39,855 --> 00:59:41,313
Hmm.
1088
00:59:42,146 --> 00:59:43,938
Yay!
1089
00:59:45,813 --> 00:59:46,938
Huh.
1090
00:59:50,188 --> 00:59:51,730
I'll see you again soon.
1091
00:59:52,438 --> 00:59:53,688
Promise.
1092
00:59:58,021 --> 00:59:59,937
Someone will find
the body soon enough.
1093
00:59:59,938 --> 01:00:01,020
This is what they want
1094
01:00:01,021 --> 01:00:02,395
Why are you still here?
1095
01:00:02,396 --> 01:00:03,687
This is what they said
1096
01:00:03,688 --> 01:00:04,979
This is what you get
1097
01:00:04,980 --> 01:00:10,188
This is you feeling
the same as you used to
1098
01:00:15,896 --> 01:00:17,646
Pay them the bounty.
1099
01:00:21,396 --> 01:00:23,230
Is Leofwine back
from the forest yet?
1100
01:00:34,771 --> 01:00:35,771
Hmm.
1101
01:00:44,688 --> 01:00:46,105
She's tougher than I thought.
1102
01:00:46,563 --> 01:00:48,146
I worried she wouldn't
make it this far.
1103
01:00:48,521 --> 01:00:51,188
It's, what, a three-day
walk to Fingerstone Rock?
1104
01:00:51,771 --> 01:00:53,855
To meet Ivarr and Guthrum.
1105
01:00:55,396 --> 01:00:56,521
Bobik.
1106
01:00:56,688 --> 01:00:58,355
- Yeah?
- The thing is...
1107
01:01:02,688 --> 01:01:04,396
Yeah, we'll do that.
1108
01:01:05,521 --> 01:01:06,730
We'll do all of that.
1109
01:01:11,855 --> 01:01:17,395
And after a day's work at the
new c-c-collective bakery,
1110
01:01:17,396 --> 01:01:21,729
I kept a few sweepings of
flour for me and my family.
1111
01:01:21,730 --> 01:01:23,562
- Oh dear.
- And I'm very sorry.
1112
01:01:23,563 --> 01:01:24,771
It won't happen again.
1113
01:01:25,021 --> 01:01:27,062
But I haven't had any
wages since Freedom Day,
1114
01:01:27,063 --> 01:01:29,145
and the guards say there's
no coin to pay us with,
1115
01:01:29,146 --> 01:01:31,104
and, and the kids,
1116
01:01:31,105 --> 01:01:32,229
they're so hungry.
1117
01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:33,312
- Witgar.
- Hmm?
1118
01:01:33,313 --> 01:01:34,730
You can go back to your family.
1119
01:01:35,313 --> 01:01:36,770
Thank you, Joan.
1120
01:01:36,771 --> 01:01:41,771
After a stay at the
citadel, in a special room,
1121
01:01:41,938 --> 01:01:43,020
deep underground.
1122
01:01:43,021 --> 01:01:46,146
I... I, urgh... I love you!
1123
01:01:47,021 --> 01:01:48,687
This commonwealth cannot fail.
1124
01:01:48,688 --> 01:01:50,646
- I love you!
- Will not fail.
1125
01:01:50,896 --> 01:01:53,270
Humble Joan, a message
from across the seas.
1126
01:01:53,271 --> 01:01:54,896
Hmm.
1127
01:02:01,313 --> 01:02:03,271
And this letter gives
us the means to do it.
1128
01:02:05,063 --> 01:02:06,230
Pack up!
1129
01:02:07,563 --> 01:02:08,980
I have somewhere to be.
1130
01:02:10,313 --> 01:02:13,020
And so, the long journey
to the eastern shore
1131
01:02:13,021 --> 01:02:14,271
was nearly over.
1132
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:16,312
Then, just a short
trip across the sea
1133
01:02:16,313 --> 01:02:18,146
would take them to
the great allies.
1134
01:02:18,521 --> 01:02:21,396
King Ivarr and King Guthrum.
1135
01:02:25,813 --> 01:02:26,855
There it is.
1136
01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:30,480
Ah!
1137
01:02:30,855 --> 01:02:33,646
A hundred and two score
miles, and here we are.
1138
01:02:34,563 --> 01:02:36,105
Fingerstone Rock!
1139
01:02:37,146 --> 01:02:39,146
It is big, though, the sea.
1140
01:02:39,688 --> 01:02:40,980
They weren't lying.
1141
01:02:42,021 --> 01:02:43,896
You'd need all day
to drink that lot.
1142
01:02:44,271 --> 01:02:45,688
Is it salty, though?
1143
01:02:46,438 --> 01:02:47,730
I'm gonna lick it.
1144
01:02:48,563 --> 01:02:50,395
The only sure way to
test anything is lick it.
1145
01:02:50,396 --> 01:02:51,396
Shulmay.
1146
01:02:51,397 --> 01:02:54,688
Where's our boat, Shulmay, to
take us to the lovely kings?
1147
01:02:54,855 --> 01:02:55,979
My Queen, here's the thing...
1148
01:02:55,980 --> 01:02:57,438
There's a boat!
1149
01:02:57,855 --> 01:02:59,771
It's them! They're here!
1150
01:03:00,105 --> 01:03:01,438
What now? No.
1151
01:03:01,938 --> 01:03:03,604
- Ivarr!
- Dagan, wait.
1152
01:03:03,605 --> 01:03:04,645
Guthrum!
1153
01:03:04,646 --> 01:03:07,270
- I need to tell you something.
- The two warriors bold!
1154
01:03:07,271 --> 01:03:10,146
They've crossed the sea
themselves to pick me up!
1155
01:03:11,438 --> 01:03:13,395
- I'm saved!
- That's not quite it.
1156
01:03:13,396 --> 01:03:15,645
- Cooee! I'm here!
- Listen, Ivarr and Guthrum
1157
01:03:15,646 --> 01:03:16,687
are not here for you.
1158
01:03:16,688 --> 01:03:18,604
They're literally just there!
1159
01:03:18,605 --> 01:03:20,355
I haven't told you everything.
1160
01:03:22,521 --> 01:03:24,980
Wait, where are they going,
the silly things? Huh.
1161
01:03:25,105 --> 01:03:27,646
The truth is, they
did write to Leofwine,
1162
01:03:28,021 --> 01:03:29,980
asking to meet by
Fingerstone Rock,
1163
01:03:30,146 --> 01:03:32,480
and pay gold for the secret
of the flame-powder...
1164
01:03:34,605 --> 01:03:37,188
once Humble Joan
had taken the realm.
1165
01:03:40,521 --> 01:03:42,438
You mean they bet against me?
1166
01:03:44,271 --> 01:03:45,730
I had to think fast.
1167
01:03:46,688 --> 01:03:50,146
Get the queen to safety
and tell the truth later.
1168
01:03:51,355 --> 01:03:54,105
You lied to me, all this time.
1169
01:03:55,063 --> 01:03:56,813
No ships, no armies.
1170
01:03:58,855 --> 01:04:00,021
But there is safety.
1171
01:04:00,146 --> 01:04:01,771
No one lives on Fingerstone.
1172
01:04:02,605 --> 01:04:06,146
So, we can live there,
and no one will know.
1173
01:04:07,896 --> 01:04:09,563
Everyone thinks you're dead.
1174
01:04:09,980 --> 01:04:13,104
We'll eat seagulls'
eggs and fish.
1175
01:04:13,105 --> 01:04:14,355
Fish pie.
1176
01:04:14,563 --> 01:04:16,980
That was kind of
my plan all along.
1177
01:04:17,938 --> 01:04:19,188
We live on a rock.
1178
01:04:20,396 --> 01:04:21,396
That rock?
1179
01:04:22,563 --> 01:04:24,063
That rock over there.
1180
01:04:25,313 --> 01:04:28,355
If we live on that rock,
will I still be an earl?
1181
01:04:29,480 --> 01:04:30,521
Yeah.
1182
01:04:31,605 --> 01:04:34,938
Earl in a palace,
or earl in a hovel?
1183
01:04:36,063 --> 01:04:37,146
Mm-hmm.
1184
01:04:38,396 --> 01:04:39,730
I'm sorry, Bobik.
1185
01:04:41,730 --> 01:04:43,812
Look, I know it's
a lot to take in.
1186
01:04:43,813 --> 01:04:45,355
Urgh!
1187
01:04:49,396 --> 01:04:50,230
Oh!
1188
01:04:50,231 --> 01:04:52,313
I did all this for your mother!
1189
01:04:52,563 --> 01:04:54,146
You're a shit, Dagan!
1190
01:04:54,271 --> 01:04:57,313
A selfish, horrible shit!
1191
01:04:57,646 --> 01:05:01,021
After all I've done for
you, all Bobik's done!
1192
01:05:02,146 --> 01:05:05,188
I killed for you!
- A bad person...
1193
01:05:06,105 --> 01:05:07,688
who had it coming!
1194
01:05:08,980 --> 01:05:10,354
Real affection would be...
1195
01:05:10,355 --> 01:05:12,896
would be killing someone
who didn't deserve it.
1196
01:05:13,521 --> 01:05:16,521
You sucked up my
mother's love...
1197
01:05:17,230 --> 01:05:18,396
for years!
1198
01:05:19,521 --> 01:05:21,313
That was my love,
1199
01:05:22,271 --> 01:05:23,730
and you robbed it!
1200
01:05:23,980 --> 01:05:26,230
And then you promised
me a kingdom,
1201
01:05:26,563 --> 01:05:28,479
and then you steal that too!
1202
01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:30,979
Some of us get by
without kingdoms.
1203
01:05:30,980 --> 01:05:34,313
Well, I need a kingdom!
1204
01:05:35,438 --> 01:05:38,230
I was going to be a
better queen this time!
1205
01:05:38,563 --> 01:05:43,105
Just a, a, a fucking
adorable queen!
1206
01:05:43,563 --> 01:05:44,895
The pain of it.
1207
01:05:44,896 --> 01:05:46,438
You don't know about pain!
1208
01:05:46,605 --> 01:05:48,562
You're a spoiled baby!
1209
01:05:48,563 --> 01:05:50,980
Do you know how hard it
is being your friend?
1210
01:05:54,855 --> 01:05:56,396
You are not my friend.
1211
01:06:00,396 --> 01:06:01,896
Eat my jellyfish!
1212
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:04,688
It stings!
1213
01:06:06,230 --> 01:06:08,063
Nobody told me they sting!
1214
01:06:08,563 --> 01:06:12,355
I wish that man-wolf had
scoffed your fucking tits!
1215
01:06:12,980 --> 01:06:15,020
Right, I'm done.
1216
01:06:15,021 --> 01:06:16,688
- Good!
- Fine!
1217
01:06:16,980 --> 01:06:18,313
- Fine!
- Good!
1218
01:06:20,188 --> 01:06:22,688
Leave me then!
1219
01:06:23,355 --> 01:06:24,813
Everybody does!
1220
01:06:26,855 --> 01:06:29,230
Why don't you hand
me in to Humble Joan,
1221
01:06:29,355 --> 01:06:31,188
get a nice big fat reward?
1222
01:06:32,188 --> 01:06:34,146
Yeah, maybe I should.
1223
01:06:36,730 --> 01:06:37,730
Bobik?
1224
01:06:39,980 --> 01:06:41,021
Nah.
1225
01:06:46,313 --> 01:06:52,021
Tell me how I should feel
1226
01:06:52,438 --> 01:06:55,980
How can this love
1227
01:06:56,105 --> 01:06:58,355
run out of here?
1228
01:06:59,105 --> 01:07:04,938
When should I believe
the things you say?
1229
01:07:05,938 --> 01:07:11,855
You change your
mind from day to day
1230
01:07:12,396 --> 01:07:17,187
And I don't know if you can
1231
01:07:17,188 --> 01:07:20,605
take such a good thing
1232
01:07:50,521 --> 01:07:51,980
What's the snack situation?
1233
01:07:52,521 --> 01:07:54,438
I hope it's good, I'm so hungry.
1234
01:08:01,396 --> 01:08:03,188
- Very good.
- Ja.
1235
01:08:03,355 --> 01:08:05,355
Oh, God. Oh.
1236
01:08:07,355 --> 01:08:08,395
What a shit hole.
1237
01:08:08,396 --> 01:08:10,605
- Ja, it stinks.
- Yes.
1238
01:08:11,105 --> 01:08:12,645
We shall drive a hard bargain.
1239
01:08:12,646 --> 01:08:15,188
Ja, what other bargain
would we wanna drive, man?
1240
01:08:15,521 --> 01:08:17,313
I mean, it's us, yeah?
1241
01:08:17,730 --> 01:08:19,896
We're hardcore, all the time.
1242
01:08:20,021 --> 01:08:20,980
I am.
1243
01:08:20,981 --> 01:08:23,188
You? I've heard otherwise.
1244
01:08:23,313 --> 01:08:24,355
You mock me.
1245
01:08:24,730 --> 01:08:27,605
I'll spill your sorry guts
on the sand right here.
1246
01:08:27,855 --> 01:08:28,979
- You wanna go?
- Right here.
1247
01:08:28,980 --> 01:08:29,938
- You wanna go?
- On the sand.
1248
01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:31,437
- You wanna get crazy?
- You want a piece of it?
1249
01:08:31,438 --> 01:08:33,604
You wanna get crazy?
I'm gonna fuck you up.
1250
01:08:33,605 --> 01:08:34,645
Ja, you want?
1251
01:08:34,646 --> 01:08:37,105
Come on, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go...
1252
01:08:41,938 --> 01:08:43,813
She thinks we may fight now.
1253
01:08:43,938 --> 01:08:45,937
She does not know that
we are good friends,
1254
01:08:45,938 --> 01:08:48,354
whose mannish
banter is unmatched.
1255
01:08:48,355 --> 01:08:51,271
Yeah, just a couple of
kings fucking around.
1256
01:08:52,813 --> 01:08:54,563
You're bigger than
I thought you'd be.
1257
01:08:54,980 --> 01:08:56,812
But you're still pretty small.
1258
01:08:56,813 --> 01:08:58,521
King Ivarr, King Guthrum,
1259
01:08:58,855 --> 01:09:00,813
welcome to the
Commonwealth of the People.
1260
01:09:00,980 --> 01:09:02,521
Well done on the rebellion.
1261
01:09:02,896 --> 01:09:05,812
If you'd tried it in our
lands, you'd be very dead now.
1262
01:09:05,813 --> 01:09:07,438
Yeah, very dead.
1263
01:09:07,896 --> 01:09:11,188
But you did it here, so, you
know, we're cool with that.
1264
01:09:11,646 --> 01:09:12,730
Come this way.
1265
01:09:13,730 --> 01:09:14,730
Thank you.
1266
01:09:16,021 --> 01:09:18,063
I don't trust her.
- No. Me neither.
1267
01:09:18,188 --> 01:09:19,605
She's so small.
1268
01:09:22,480 --> 01:09:24,062
Do you think Humble
Joan's around?
1269
01:09:24,063 --> 01:09:26,396
Well, Leofwine's not
meeting the kings, is she?
1270
01:09:28,771 --> 01:09:30,855
Yes, Humble Joan's here.
1271
01:09:31,105 --> 01:09:32,395
We'll give her what she wants,
1272
01:09:32,396 --> 01:09:34,063
and then she can't
deny us our silver.
1273
01:09:34,230 --> 01:09:35,521
We'll be wealthy?
1274
01:09:35,813 --> 01:09:39,063
You'll never have to shovel
again, and I'll serve no one.
1275
01:09:39,938 --> 01:09:42,063
I'm sick of looking after
the upper classes, Bobik.
1276
01:09:42,355 --> 01:09:43,730
I need to find my song.
1277
01:09:44,355 --> 01:09:45,355
Hey.
1278
01:09:45,896 --> 01:09:47,396
So, are we giving her Dagan?
1279
01:09:54,063 --> 01:09:56,105
Yes, we are.
1280
01:09:56,438 --> 01:09:58,646
Yeah.
1281
01:10:02,355 --> 01:10:04,688
So, this commonwealth malarky.
1282
01:10:05,063 --> 01:10:06,438
Does it have legs?
1283
01:10:06,980 --> 01:10:10,271
I mean, what if Dagan
gets back in, hmm?
1284
01:10:11,438 --> 01:10:13,437
Urgh.
1285
01:10:13,438 --> 01:10:15,479
These were found on
her mangled corpse.
1286
01:10:15,480 --> 01:10:17,479
- That smells bad.
- Ja, that's hers.
1287
01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:19,729
Your Majesties will need a
moment to mourn, I'm sure.
1288
01:10:19,730 --> 01:10:20,813
Eh.
1289
01:10:21,313 --> 01:10:22,604
It's no great loss.
1290
01:10:22,605 --> 01:10:23,688
Hmm.
1291
01:10:23,813 --> 01:10:26,896
Pagan Europe will just have
to struggle on without her.
1292
01:10:27,188 --> 01:10:29,146
Let us talk the flame-powder.
1293
01:10:29,480 --> 01:10:30,520
- Ja.
- Let's.
1294
01:10:30,521 --> 01:10:31,979
We've heard you're flat broke.
1295
01:10:31,980 --> 01:10:34,270
I'm not. I just raided Latvia.
1296
01:10:34,271 --> 01:10:35,937
Very raidable is your Latvia.
1297
01:10:35,938 --> 01:10:36,855
Ja.
1298
01:10:36,856 --> 01:10:39,895
So, this flame-powder,
does it really work?
1299
01:10:39,896 --> 01:10:43,479
I'm thinking maybe we can
try out the flame-powder
1300
01:10:43,480 --> 01:10:44,854
on some peasants!
1301
01:10:44,855 --> 01:10:47,438
No. Approach, friends.
1302
01:10:47,688 --> 01:10:49,480
We don't kill
commoners for fun here.
1303
01:10:49,938 --> 01:10:50,938
Really?
1304
01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:52,646
What a bore.
1305
01:10:53,105 --> 01:10:55,104
- I like slaying peasants.
1306
01:10:55,105 --> 01:10:56,270
Ja, you have the mad skills.
1307
01:10:56,271 --> 01:10:57,770
How goes the day, travellers?
1308
01:10:57,771 --> 01:10:59,771
Humble Joan, we've come
to tell you something.
1309
01:11:01,313 --> 01:11:03,438
To tell you that Queen Dagan...
1310
01:11:10,855 --> 01:11:13,771
Queen Dagan...
- Have we met before?
1311
01:11:17,896 --> 01:11:18,896
Speak.
1312
01:11:19,771 --> 01:11:21,355
There's nothing to fear.
1313
01:11:23,980 --> 01:11:25,188
Queen Dagan...
1314
01:11:27,396 --> 01:11:28,938
Nothing to fear indeed.
1315
01:11:29,896 --> 01:11:32,896
For Humble Joan...
protects us all.
1316
01:11:34,730 --> 01:11:37,063
Her steady hand
guiding the great...
1317
01:11:37,730 --> 01:11:39,771
plough shed of this nation.
1318
01:11:40,688 --> 01:11:45,105
Indeed, here is a woman
whose words you may trust.
1319
01:11:51,480 --> 01:11:52,480
Bye-bye.
1320
01:11:58,271 --> 01:12:00,511
Catch up with our friends and
invite them to stay awhile.
1321
01:12:01,188 --> 01:12:03,813
You, search the dunes
where they came from.
1322
01:12:04,813 --> 01:12:06,063
Something's going on here.
1323
01:12:06,438 --> 01:12:07,521
Let's go.
1324
01:12:09,146 --> 01:12:10,313
Make haste.
1325
01:12:18,480 --> 01:12:19,855
I hoped you'd come back.
1326
01:12:22,813 --> 01:12:25,105
Up you get... Dagan.
1327
01:12:26,855 --> 01:12:28,604
Ow! Get off!
1328
01:12:28,605 --> 01:12:31,605
I am still your queen!
How ruddy dare you?!
1329
01:12:31,813 --> 01:12:33,021
Ow!
1330
01:12:36,271 --> 01:12:38,687
You know, even if you
offered help to me now,
1331
01:12:38,688 --> 01:12:40,021
I would spurn it.
1332
01:12:42,855 --> 01:12:44,438
You don't happen to
offer it, do you?
1333
01:12:45,188 --> 01:12:46,646
Dagan's dead, you said.
1334
01:12:47,771 --> 01:12:51,605
Fortune has offered us a
subject for demonstration.
1335
01:12:52,563 --> 01:12:54,771
She is a queen,
dress her as such.
1336
01:13:05,938 --> 01:13:09,270
Our subject thinks much
of her dainty toes.
1337
01:13:09,271 --> 01:13:11,270
She is famous for
her lovely feet.
1338
01:13:11,271 --> 01:13:14,313
- Ja.
- We call this cord a fuse.
1339
01:13:15,480 --> 01:13:17,188
Simply light one end of it.
1340
01:13:26,521 --> 01:13:27,521
Bang.
1341
01:13:36,480 --> 01:13:37,855
That was a little bang.
1342
01:13:39,021 --> 01:13:40,729
We came for large bangs.
1343
01:13:40,730 --> 01:13:42,187
Large bangs.
1344
01:13:42,188 --> 01:13:45,604
Large bangs, large
bangs, large bangs.
1345
01:13:45,605 --> 01:13:46,896
You will have one.
1346
01:13:47,771 --> 01:13:51,188
For now, we put our
powder in a tube of iron.
1347
01:13:56,646 --> 01:13:58,229
You said she knew
nothing of pain.
1348
01:13:58,230 --> 01:13:59,521
I know I did.
1349
01:14:00,605 --> 01:14:01,980
I think she does now.
1350
01:14:04,563 --> 01:14:06,187
Her foot is quite
badly fucked up.
1351
01:14:06,188 --> 01:14:07,354
Yeah, it really is.
1352
01:14:07,355 --> 01:14:09,730
I'm going to work my way
around your body, Dagan.
1353
01:14:10,146 --> 01:14:11,855
But first, tell me.
1354
01:14:12,563 --> 01:14:13,980
Is that the pair
you travelled with?
1355
01:14:18,271 --> 01:14:19,730
I don't know who they are.
1356
01:14:20,438 --> 01:14:21,937
Well, whoever they are,
1357
01:14:21,938 --> 01:14:25,437
they're about to watch you
suffer very, very much.
1358
01:14:25,438 --> 01:14:26,479
Nice.
1359
01:14:26,480 --> 01:14:28,270
She could try to bargain
with our peasanty lives,
1360
01:14:28,271 --> 01:14:30,021
and yet she still
doesn't give us away.
1361
01:14:30,230 --> 01:14:31,270
Primed and ready.
1362
01:14:31,271 --> 01:14:33,355
Let's see what it will
do to the human...
1363
01:14:34,813 --> 01:14:37,105
knee.
1364
01:14:38,271 --> 01:14:40,313
Again, we light the fuse.
1365
01:14:41,355 --> 01:14:42,355
Hold.
1366
01:14:45,271 --> 01:14:48,437
We, the common people,
wish to avenge ourselves
1367
01:14:48,438 --> 01:14:50,730
on the tyrant.
1368
01:14:50,980 --> 01:14:52,271
Amuse us.
1369
01:14:52,688 --> 01:14:54,396
Give the peasant a go.
1370
01:14:58,355 --> 01:14:59,562
Nice and messy, please.
1371
01:14:59,563 --> 01:15:00,813
Chunks everywhere.
1372
01:15:02,230 --> 01:15:07,521
Dagan, let this show
you where we stand.
1373
01:15:20,813 --> 01:15:23,354
I think she meant to
hurl it into that chest.
1374
01:15:23,355 --> 01:15:24,812
Treachery!
1375
01:15:24,813 --> 01:15:26,813
Shulmay's a rotten
throw, but I'm not!
1376
01:15:28,563 --> 01:15:29,605
Close it!
1377
01:15:31,146 --> 01:15:33,229
Ha! The powder
needs air to burn.
1378
01:15:33,230 --> 01:15:34,855
Starved of air,
it cannot catch...
1379
01:15:43,146 --> 01:15:45,480
Bang, bang! Ja!
1380
01:15:45,605 --> 01:15:46,812
That was a large bang!
1381
01:15:46,813 --> 01:15:48,230
Guards!
1382
01:15:49,271 --> 01:15:50,271
Argh!
1383
01:15:59,105 --> 01:16:00,271
Argh!
1384
01:16:02,271 --> 01:16:03,521
Oh, Dagan.
1385
01:16:03,688 --> 01:16:04,937
I've bested you once already,
1386
01:16:04,938 --> 01:16:06,812
now you're all
starved and leaking.
1387
01:16:06,813 --> 01:16:09,521
I fought for myself back then.
Now I fight for something else.
1388
01:16:10,480 --> 01:16:12,271
Argh!
1389
01:16:13,230 --> 01:16:16,187
- Ladies, fighting with swords.
- Ja.
1390
01:16:16,188 --> 01:16:18,396
Argh!
1391
01:16:24,896 --> 01:16:26,480
Let me tell you a secret, Dagan.
1392
01:16:27,563 --> 01:16:29,938
I've begun to enjoy it
at the top of the tree.
1393
01:16:30,355 --> 01:16:32,605
I can tell you that,
'cause you'd understand.
1394
01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:44,188
I was going to melt this
down for gold coin, but...
1395
01:16:45,146 --> 01:16:48,105
wouldn't it look fine on
Joan's most humble head?
1396
01:16:48,438 --> 01:16:50,313
'Take the crown, Joan!
1397
01:16:50,480 --> 01:16:52,188
You're the people's queen!'
1398
01:16:52,480 --> 01:16:54,480
'Oh, but I mustn't.'
1399
01:16:54,688 --> 01:16:56,354
'Oh, but we wish it!'
1400
01:16:56,355 --> 01:17:00,646
'Well, if I must.'
1401
01:17:02,480 --> 01:17:03,480
Oh!
1402
01:17:09,813 --> 01:17:11,730
There's no sky.
1403
01:17:13,313 --> 01:17:14,521
It's just you...
1404
01:17:14,771 --> 01:17:15,771
No!
1405
01:17:15,980 --> 01:17:17,063
the spade.
1406
01:17:17,813 --> 01:17:19,521
And the thing what
must be spaded.
1407
01:17:20,813 --> 01:17:22,855
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la...
1408
01:17:46,896 --> 01:17:48,480
Humble Joan,
1409
01:17:49,271 --> 01:17:50,511
for eternity your memory will...
1410
01:17:54,438 --> 01:17:57,395
Oh, that was magnificent!
1411
01:17:57,396 --> 01:17:58,896
- Outstanding!
- Ja!
1412
01:17:59,230 --> 01:18:00,771
- High funf!
- High funf!
1413
01:18:01,771 --> 01:18:04,854
Queen Dagan, we wanted
you to win all along.
1414
01:18:04,855 --> 01:18:06,312
I really enjoyed that.
1415
01:18:06,313 --> 01:18:07,812
- Right.
- That was so good.
1416
01:18:07,813 --> 01:18:09,146
- Ja.
- Ja.
1417
01:18:13,480 --> 01:18:15,313
My blood is falling out.
1418
01:18:18,605 --> 01:18:20,605
My life ebbs away.
1419
01:18:23,105 --> 01:18:24,146
Dagan.
1420
01:18:25,813 --> 01:18:28,105
This land will need a
ruler when I'm gone.
1421
01:18:31,480 --> 01:18:33,271
I was a bastard.
1422
01:18:36,021 --> 01:18:37,021
Joan.
1423
01:18:38,105 --> 01:18:39,313
Leofwine.
1424
01:18:40,646 --> 01:18:42,230
Ivarr, Gunthrum.
1425
01:18:43,063 --> 01:18:44,938
We're all bastards.
1426
01:18:47,396 --> 01:18:52,146
Maybe countries need
leaders who aren't bastards.
1427
01:18:54,730 --> 01:18:55,980
Shulmay...
1428
01:18:57,271 --> 01:18:58,521
will you be queen?
1429
01:19:00,688 --> 01:19:02,021
I can't be queen.
1430
01:19:02,980 --> 01:19:03,980
Can I?
1431
01:19:04,063 --> 01:19:05,730
You were made for it.
1432
01:19:06,271 --> 01:19:07,355
Trust me.
1433
01:19:17,730 --> 01:19:18,896
Shulmay...
1434
01:19:23,896 --> 01:19:27,521
Do you promise to rule
with wisdom and kindness?
1435
01:19:28,313 --> 01:19:29,313
Yes.
1436
01:19:29,730 --> 01:19:30,771
Yes, I do.
1437
01:19:32,355 --> 01:19:33,563
Queen Shulmay.
1438
01:19:34,355 --> 01:19:36,146
I don't want to
die on the ground.
1439
01:19:36,980 --> 01:19:38,480
Help me up, my Queen.
1440
01:19:45,396 --> 01:19:47,063
Uh, Queen Shulmay.
1441
01:19:47,438 --> 01:19:49,479
Any chance you could
give us the recipe
1442
01:19:49,480 --> 01:19:51,355
for the bang-bang powder?
1443
01:19:51,521 --> 01:19:52,563
No.
1444
01:19:54,188 --> 01:19:55,146
Just asking.
1445
01:19:55,147 --> 01:19:57,188
Yeah, no need to be snippy.
1446
01:19:57,605 --> 01:19:59,105
Come on. Let's go.
1447
01:19:59,688 --> 01:20:01,021
Which way is the boat?
1448
01:20:01,271 --> 01:20:03,188
It was your job
to remember that.
1449
01:20:03,438 --> 01:20:06,270
Erm, it was close to a
very distinctive pebble.
1450
01:20:06,271 --> 01:20:09,563
Oh ja, by that big, sort
of, sandy-coloured section.
1451
01:20:14,688 --> 01:20:15,688
Uh...
1452
01:20:17,230 --> 01:20:18,688
I see a snail.
1453
01:20:20,938 --> 01:20:22,521
Come, Big Liam.
1454
01:20:24,021 --> 01:20:25,105
I'm ready.
1455
01:20:28,146 --> 01:20:29,146
No.
1456
01:20:30,521 --> 01:20:31,605
Come.
1457
01:20:32,396 --> 01:20:34,146
Cease your approach, Big Liam.
1458
01:20:35,521 --> 01:20:36,813
I've had an idea.
1459
01:20:38,521 --> 01:20:40,146
This will stop the bleeding.
1460
01:20:40,313 --> 01:20:42,480
Just a tiny pinch of the powder.
1461
01:20:43,146 --> 01:20:46,145
Liam, I see you,
Big Liam. I'm ready.
1462
01:20:46,146 --> 01:20:48,105
That'll burn the wound
shut. Stand back.
1463
01:20:52,938 --> 01:20:56,270
Ouch! Fucking hell!
1464
01:20:56,271 --> 01:20:57,771
The bleeding's stopped.
1465
01:20:57,938 --> 01:20:59,105
Saved your life.
1466
01:21:05,521 --> 01:21:06,521
Come.
1467
01:21:09,188 --> 01:21:10,230
Thank you...
1468
01:21:12,480 --> 01:21:13,688
Earl Bobik.
1469
01:21:15,813 --> 01:21:16,980
I'm an earl!
1470
01:21:18,188 --> 01:21:20,146
Hey, I'm an earl!
1471
01:21:20,980 --> 01:21:22,230
A ruddy earl!
1472
01:21:24,355 --> 01:21:25,730
Oof.
1473
01:21:26,188 --> 01:21:27,355
Where are you off to?
1474
01:21:27,646 --> 01:21:29,230
Why, off to the citadel.
1475
01:21:29,563 --> 01:21:31,521
We have a coronation to arrange!
1476
01:21:33,771 --> 01:21:35,604
I'm the Queen!
1477
01:21:35,605 --> 01:21:37,188
You're the fucking Queen!
1478
01:21:37,605 --> 01:21:39,521
I'm the Queen!
1479
01:21:39,813 --> 01:21:41,730
Shulmay, you found your song!
1480
01:21:43,105 --> 01:21:45,188
I'm the Queen!
1481
01:21:45,480 --> 01:21:48,063
The fucking Queen!
1482
01:21:48,855 --> 01:21:51,188
And the crown stayed
on the right head.
1483
01:21:51,855 --> 01:21:53,938
The head it was
meant for all along.
1484
01:21:54,605 --> 01:21:58,646
Hooray for Queen Shulmay,
the people's queen!
1485
01:22:01,188 --> 01:22:03,688
What about Bobik?
1486
01:22:04,271 --> 01:22:05,937
I moved to a palace.
1487
01:22:05,938 --> 01:22:09,605
And I found my beloved countess.
1488
01:22:10,938 --> 01:22:11,771
Here you are, dear.
1489
01:22:11,772 --> 01:22:15,895
And everybody lived
happily ever after.
1490
01:22:15,896 --> 01:22:17,145
The end.
1491
01:22:17,146 --> 01:22:18,771
Sorry for all the swearing.
1492
01:22:21,105 --> 01:22:23,395
Thank you! Thank you so much!
1493
01:22:23,396 --> 01:22:24,562
Many thanks!
1494
01:22:24,563 --> 01:22:26,020
Don't forget the puppeteer.
1495
01:22:26,021 --> 01:22:28,230
Thank you.
1496
01:22:28,855 --> 01:22:30,895
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
1497
01:22:30,896 --> 01:22:32,687
Is it true what
the grown-ups say,
1498
01:22:32,688 --> 01:22:34,771
that you're the other
queen in the story?
1499
01:22:35,355 --> 01:22:36,355
What?
1500
01:22:36,938 --> 01:22:40,021
She was so mean and angry.
1501
01:22:40,313 --> 01:22:41,479
Nobody would want
to be her friend.
1502
01:22:41,480 --> 01:22:42,771
Do I look like her?
1503
01:22:43,521 --> 01:22:45,105
No, you don't.
1504
01:22:45,396 --> 01:22:46,563
So, it can't be me, can it?
1505
01:22:47,605 --> 01:22:50,020
Or at least it hasn't
been for a very long...
1506
01:22:50,021 --> 01:22:51,605
Oh, for goodness sake!
1507
01:22:52,896 --> 01:22:54,438
Seize them!
1508
01:23:00,605 --> 01:23:05,896
Shall I milk thy herd
for you, kind sir?
1509
01:23:06,438 --> 01:23:09,230
{\an8}Hey, I'm in love.
1510
01:23:10,396 --> 01:23:12,562
My fingers keep on
clicking to the beat...
1511
01:23:12,563 --> 01:23:14,146
He locked her away in a tower.
1512
01:23:14,730 --> 01:23:16,270
And anyone who
spoke of her again
1513
01:23:16,271 --> 01:23:17,980
would be pressed
through a cattle grid.
1514
01:23:18,688 --> 01:23:22,146
{\an8}Ebony and ivory and
dancing and in the street
1515
01:23:22,730 --> 01:23:27,062
{\an8}Hey, it's 'cause
of you the world...
1516
01:23:27,063 --> 01:23:30,979
I've heard she's done
this: poos in your wells.
1517
01:23:30,980 --> 01:23:34,063
{\an8}My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1518
01:23:34,563 --> 01:23:36,855
{\an8}Guda, dunga, dunga,
dunga, dung, dung, dung...
1519
01:23:38,105 --> 01:23:39,395
I'm gonna fuck you up!
1520
01:23:39,396 --> 01:23:42,521
Come on, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go.
1521
01:23:44,021 --> 01:23:45,813
{\an8}...like a jungle drum
1522
01:23:50,813 --> 01:23:53,104
{\an8}What, dee, dee, dee,
dee, dee, dee, dee, dee.
1523
01:23:53,105 --> 01:23:55,980
{\an8}...the moment between
the striking and the fire
1524
01:23:58,855 --> 01:24:00,312
{\an8}- A dragon, then.
- They're not real.
1525
01:24:00,313 --> 01:24:01,979
{\an8} Fuck off.
1526
01:24:01,980 --> 01:24:04,146
{\an8}...kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss
1527
01:24:05,313 --> 01:24:08,938
{\an8}No one ever stopped
1528
01:24:09,105 --> 01:24:12,980
My hands are in the
air, yes, I'm in love
1529
01:24:13,105 --> 01:24:16,938
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1530
01:24:17,188 --> 01:24:19,187
Guda, dunga, dunga,
dunga, dung, dung, dung
1531
01:24:19,188 --> 01:24:22,771
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1532
01:24:23,271 --> 01:24:25,354
Guda, dunga, dunga,
dunga, dung, dung, dung
1533
01:24:25,355 --> 01:24:28,938
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1534
01:24:29,355 --> 01:24:31,354
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1535
01:24:31,355 --> 01:24:35,313
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1536
01:24:35,521 --> 01:24:37,479
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1537
01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:41,271
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1538
01:24:41,438 --> 01:24:43,520
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1539
01:24:43,521 --> 01:24:46,813
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1540
01:24:50,355 --> 01:24:53,730
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...(repeated)
1541
01:25:05,855 --> 01:25:11,855
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1542
01:25:13,896 --> 01:25:17,730
My heart is beating
like a jungle drum
1543
01:25:17,896 --> 01:25:20,270
My heart is beating
like a jungle...
1544
01:25:20,271 --> 01:25:22,605
Rung, dung, da-rung,
gung, gung...
1545
01:30:57,646 --> 01:31:00,104
{\an8}I'm alive, Dagan!
1546
01:31:00,105 --> 01:31:03,521
{\an8}I'm still alive!